Passion's price

A page from my SR2 journal

So I had my Yarn Along post for yesterday nearly finished. It was a bit longer than I had first planned but reviewing Nurture Shock ended up taking longer than I thought. Then, I looked at the time. OH CR--!! I was 10 minutes late getting the kids UP and into the car for swim club nearly 30 minutes away. And crazily enough, I took 2 seconds to consider finishing the post FIRST before getting the kids to swim club. I shook my head to find some sense and ran to the bedrooms to wake the kids up. Both kids managed to go to the bathroom before I plopped them half-naked and half-asleep into the car with their half-frozen waffles for breakfast. At least I had sense to pack their swim bag the night before. I drove fast alternating between cursing myself for not paying attention to time and praying that I do pay attention to my driving. We were late, but we made it. And the kids, well, they seemed unfazed and happy to be there. As I let out a deep breath and sigh of relief, I wondered in amazement at my obliviousness to time, again.

I have hit a point, at 40, where I have come to understand the madness of passion. The need to feed something so strong that other things seem to fall away on the importance scale. My ability to focus and concentrate had always been a good thing, until what I focused on moved from my homemaking and motherly duties over to my enthusiasm to create. Yikes. I mean, I knew this was happening but I had always counted on my responsible self to readjust my priorities and keep me centered. But lately, that responsible self seems to be on vacation. Is it the psychology of summer? Is it turning 40? Have I somewhere subconsciously decided that I have the liberty to just do what "I" want to do?  Has passion become a growing amoeba of insidious selfishness?

The bottom line is that there is a price to be paid for passion. Passion is wonderful and electrifying. Passion feeds my soul and allows an unleashing that helps me feel alive. But, I am finding that passion can also be blinding and selfish. I have always counted on my understanding of balance to bring me back to center. But passion is an energy that has greater force than anything I had ever encountered, so I have been toppling over more often than not. I know I need to harness the energy being shot around here instead of running around thinking I am suddenly out of time and feeling like my pants are on fire. I need to figure out the fair price for passion.

I know fear has something to do with it--fear that passion might float away if I don't feed it. I have no desire to give up my passions, so something else has got to give. And it won't be my relationship with my kids, it can't be my responsibilities that I have committed to them or to my husband. It's gotta be the house, laundry and dinner. Just kidding. But seriously, it's gotta be something else I am missing. And on top of that I've been trying to reignite my passion for health, with difficulty I might add.  So today I am opening myself up to ideas and asking you, what is a fair price? How do you do it? I have my thoughts and I know it has to do with organizing time, but I would love to hear more from you!

signed Selfishly Passionate :),

xx oo

P.S. I've tried giving up showers, too, but that only works until I have to leave the house :).
P.S.S. I've also cut back on commenting ---so sorry for not being there as often.