I am...

from the sketchbook

"If you hear a voice within you saying, 'You are not a painter,' then by all means paint... and that voice will be silenced, but only by working." ~ Vincent Van Gogh (in a letter to Theo Van Gogh, Drenthe, 28 October 1883)

How easy it is to tell ourselves what we aren't. It's true, I hover briefly over definitions, categories, titles and names, knowing well enough the power of words and the emotions we place behind them. As logically as I can tell myself that I don't need a title to want to be good at something, that little piece of ego would still like a more distinctive coat to wear, one that I can recognize self in. Artist, Photographer, Writer, Creative...I lightly run my fingers across these coats and with a sidelong glance, wonder how much "good enough" would actually cost me. Years of schooling? A bucketful of failures? A tubful of heartache and desire? A lifetime of chasing?

Or how about just one "fuck you" to fear? Sorry for the language, but the dubbed version of "flip you" just doesn't cut it when we face fear does it?

"Becoming Van Gogh" still sits with me--this tortured soul who waited until 27 years old to say F.U. to fear and finally commit to becoming a painter. He only lived ten years of his dream before he died, creating some of the most amazing work we have ever seen. He was mostly self taught, he was obsessed, and became the instrument of his creative passion.

Ok, so I am no Van Gogh, this I comfortably know, but what his story has given me is permission. Permission to be driven by passion and grow creatively unconditionally-- without excuses, without promises, without expectations. Whatever this passion might evolve to years from now,  it's still an evolution from where I am standing at this very moment.

Honestly, I feel like I am preaching to the choir here. You all are why I am here. You, who write, knit/crochet, photograph, draw, paint, work with metal, make music, sing, sew--you who can't live without being creative....YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

Or do you?  

Do you let yourself wear that lovely coat that declares fearlessly and without judgement what you love to do? 

from the sketchbook

Be the dragon.
Let yourself hang out and expose your dreams.
Call yourself a creative being.
I am. In all the flawed ways I see myself, I certainly am.

xoxo