Though the difference between "a part" and "apart" is only one single space, the complete separation of definition created by that space is what I am contemplating this morning in my meditation. I realize that I feed my spirit and mind regularly enough so that I am able to sustain myself emotionally every day, but eventually 2 legs on a 3 legged stool will not be enough. The third part of me has been set aside for over a year now, and I will tell you that it feels like a gray cloud following me around everywhere trying to catch up.
I have had such a tumultuous relationship with my body my entire life, but one thing is for certain, when I move, dance, sweat, I feel nourished and spiritually revived. The ways that physical exercise nourished me has changed much over the years, from the gym and all of its machines, to swimming, to gym classes like step, to Pilates, to Ashtanga yoga, and dancing, well, there was always dancing :). But all of that has stopped. For the first time in my life, my poor body has been quite neglected meaning no nothing--no regular hiking, no swimming, no yoga-- nada, zip. I canceled all my memberships last year as they were hardly being used anyway. I had come to loathe the gym and the machines in all its staleness (no offense to those that love the gym:). It seemed soulless to me, and I wanted to be outside where fresh oxygen was pumping and green life fluttered and breathed around me. I had believed that I would utilize my bicycle, the walking trail behind my house, the pool, and continue doing yoga in my home on my own, and I did, for a little while. Then it all gradually came to a halt. And with that halt, my body slowly transitioned from being a part of me, to something disconnected and very much apart from me.
The neglect has slowly begun to eat away at my insides, and the outside, well it always works itself from the inside out anyway. Wholeness is not possible without all of its parts working, moving, and communing in harmony together. I know this. But knowing hasn't been very useful to me lately.
I have some new soul work to thank for pushing me to turn and face that cloud. It is no longer the white elephant, but a large, gray, luminous cloud begging me for my attention.
It begins with one thought that turns into one decision. One step, one deep, long breath inviting energy, renewal, vibrancy, and life. It's about creating that beautiful space for my body to be one part of a whole again. It begins today. I know it won't be easy, creating space never is. But being ready is a good place to start.
And I am ready :).