I have a confession to share. I have been a bad mommy. Living in a small, temporary space (900 sq. foot), navigating in a brand new and unfamiliar town, and frantically searching for a suitable and affordable place to call home, as well as hunting for the beds and furniture to fill it, has brought out a stressed and overwhelmed mama. And in my hungry search for routine and normalcy, I've been neglectful, even angry, at the seemingly excessive needs of my children. Though I am fully aware that they are as overwhelmed and out of sorts as I am, if not more, their neediness grasped for more attention than I wanted to give. So, instead of a patient and kind mom, they got a resentful and snippety mom. Yuck. I felt it, I knew it, and yet I wanted to sit in this defiant mud bath for awhile. The human strikes again, in all its indignant glory. I can see the reason in it. I can be kind to myself and appreciate it as a normal reaction to life events. Yet, there is so much responsibility in indulging in these feelings. Little eyes are watching, little hearts are feeling, little minds are absorbing. I knew I had to snap out of it, or at least have a good, cathartic cry, and I did. I climbed into the shower and just let the tears pour...
Tears are like magic aren't they? When we release them, suddenly letting go is so much easier. The feelings had served their purpose in letting me know what was going on inside, but now I had to choose to focus on what was really important, my children and helping them handle their emotions, too. I had some mending to do with my babes and there is one remedy that works over and again. First, the apology. Second, we needed to have fun together--time to play and time to laugh, in whatever manner they chose. Oh, the smiles we receive when we can show our children that despite all of our adult worries, that we can still make them feel important, and that we can have good, honest F-U-N. Children thrive on it, and we should, too.
So there was frisbee soccer, there was swimming in the rec. pool and sliding down the water slide, there was snuggling and loving, there was listening to all their projects and their stories, there was signing up for volunteering at the Humane Society for dog walking, and there was talk of their hopes, their desires, and what they want out of all of this. And right now, *sigh*, what they really want is a dog......good god let there be mercy on me...
Hope you have a fantastic and invigorating weekend filled with FUN!!!
xoxo
p.s. I think this could still be loosely linked to Joy Pockets and This Moment, yes?
not a bad mommy, a NORMAL human being!
ReplyDeletefor me, the best thing is that they witnessed normal emotions, and saw that it's possible to say 'i'm sorry', and do/be better next time.
thanks Mon, normal is a much better way of looking at it :).
DeleteI agree with Monica! Not only are those feelings normal (and expected with everything you're going through), it's good for your kids to see that Mom can have a rough patch emotionally, but everything will still be OK.
ReplyDeleteBreathe! :)
xx
I'm with Monica. No harm in being human. A good lesson for all of you. And then there is the lesson that came after ... some fun and some love. Change is difficult .. large or small. Give yourself a hug and like Barbara said: "Breathe"
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that you had a good cry MJ, got all those feelngs out and are now ready to move forward. :) From the sound of it, you and your babies are feeling much better and while I know life has it's challenges,it can be down right hard, it also has so many rewards. You are very blessed to now furnish your home and that is so exciting! I wish I was there to help you browse the thrift stores, because I think part of the fun in the hunt and unexpected finds of these trips. Take your time and remember to be KIND to yourself. You didn't get to where you are overnight and it will take time to settle in. Sending you hugs and lots of happy thoughts from SC!
ReplyDeleteSo sweet. Tears are magical indeed...
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a really wonderful Mama to me.x
oh thank heavens i am not the only snippy, snide, nasty mama out there. we all have those days (or in some cases, periods) but you used yours to learn and grow. you rock like that.
ReplyDeleteps: i need a sticker like that...do you have a source?
I will get one for ya :).
DeleteThat sticker is awesome! (If I was into tattoos, it would be a contender) You are an awesome mama too and what a relief to hear that you are human! :)
ReplyDeleteI think your kids are so lucky to have a mom who is teaching them how to deal with their natural emotions instead of trying to wish those emotions away. You are inspiring MJ.
After snapping at my three year old today I pulled over in my van a few hundred yards down the road, put the hazards on, walked round the side of the van, slid the door open, leaned over and hugged him and said a heartfelt sorry. He could feel it was heartfelt and really responded to it, and said sorry himself. It was a touching moment - I could have carried on driving and stewed over it while he bawled. Saying sorry, having a cry, making up, having fun - all make up for a normal human reaction of getting snappy. I want that sticker too! having it as a tattoo would be awesome! Thanks for this post MJx
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing this mama, there is so much power in forgiveness and reconnection!!!
Deletexo
I found the link to the sticker!! Here it is:
ReplyDeletehttp://motherhoodlotus.com/
Looks like she has some new designs coming out too!!
I am glad you had your cry and are now getting them into local activities.....try to procrastinate a yes on a dog for now :)
ReplyDeletei just had the same days as you today and yesterday - my mom left and i've had to deal with two children for the first time on my own. i wasn't able to speak kindly to ez yesterday (today was only slightly better) because i had one babe crying and a five year old yelling at me to "come play with me!" no sleep, lots of demands on me, not my own time... anyways. i've got to run - hang in there! i agree with mon.
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty. And I love that through it all your kids just want a dog.
ReplyDeleteAre you just looking for a rental right now? It would be very stressful if you were looking for a place to call home forever.
I always make sure to apologize to my kids when I lose it. All moms lose it. ALL MOMS. If they don't...well then...they can't come over to my house for tea. ; )
It's all part of it- the emotions of life. I flat out sob in front of my kids from time to time.
xoxoxo
thanks C :). yep we will just be doing a rental for now. we could have been sob sisters this week then, with tea...
Deletexo
i am so with cordelia! i actually started a post about yelling at my kids and being short and distracted and absent. thank you for finishing it with your very honest words! transition is tricky and you sound like you've got it nailed. like a mantra, i try to visualize the time, six weeks out, when friends are gathered 'round the table' and my kids are laughing effortlessly with the neighbor kids and it all feels like home and no longer a new and strange place. one day at a time, the mountains will remind you of your place, and give you strength and peace. you are so inspiring and your honesty is refreshing. thank you!
ReplyDeleteHey MJ,
ReplyDeleteI feel ya on this one. :) Nice to know that you got back in the swing of things with the kids, at least for a bit. :)
I saw Naomi today -- did your ears tingle this morning? :) We're just both so happy for you!
did I hear 'dog?' I've loved reading about your adventures moving out west- but goodness, a dog would be the greatest sequel to all the adventures you could possibly take right about now.
ReplyDeleteloved hearing about your moment with your kids- the shift, the tears, the realization and apology. You certainly don't make motherhood sound easy, per se, but fulfilling. And I love that. Real is what I need to know right now.
I've had many, many days - sometimes weeks - just like this. You are so not alone, dear lady. A good cry helps, feeling it through helps, and getting back into a sweet groove with your kiddies is wonderful. Stop, breathe, listen, love. xo
ReplyDeleteso incredibly happy that you are on your way to settling in a nest again. It gets better, all will be well soon enough, xxoo friend.
ReplyDeleteGlad that you were able to find your way, MJ. Being able to recognize the way you were feeling/being and to work through it is, in itself, very inspiring. And to take the next step to be humble and to refocus on the kiddos is truly wonderful. I've had many, many days like this already. It's a constant path that we walk, isn't it? Much love.
ReplyDeleteI actually love the fact that you're a normal mom that looses her patience and isn't perfect - just like me! :)
ReplyDeleteTears, release, reconciliation, and fun = yay!
xo
cortnie
Just tonight as I was putting Sully to bed he asked me if he could get a dog. There must be some deep dog energy going around. :)
ReplyDeleteHigh stress situations can bring out the worst in all of us. But I think how you're handling it is amazing. A good cry and an apology followed by some light fun. You've got the recipe, mama-friend.
Oh dogs are a whole new adventure...good luck!
ReplyDeleteAnd while it can be so hard to have those very imperfect human, even ugly, parts of ourselves come out at our children, it does also allow them to see our imperfect humanity too.
Be gentle on yourself, on them, on all that you are experiencing.
Sending love!
Just wanted to extend a big virtual hug your way! I think the fact that you even recognize what's going on is a big deal!! And I just yipped for joy when I saw you write about a dog. Or should I send some puppy videos to help hold them over?
ReplyDeleteLOL Christie :), that just might make it worse actually!! Not that I don't have closeted hopes too...
DeleteI'm here from lori's mj. I always like your comments.
ReplyDeleteThe 'I'm sorry' part of your tearful rehabilitation :-) is so wise all by itself. To add fun to the mix, and maybe a dog even, brings motherhood and transition to a whole new awesome level
Good going. I hope there is also some fun in decorating a new place and space
Love
kj
You are one of the best mamas I "know"! We all have those days and I am guessing that most of us have some tears in the shower now and again! Good luck with all that is going on with you right now.
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome mom-you can be grumpy, cry, realize the need to apologize and the need for fun. Parenting and life is just messy so I hope you aren't too hard on yourself. I think you kiddies see you in all facets of being human and realize that it's okay and there is always a way out. They are lucky you could show them that! Thank so much for this beautiful post. Love that sticker too-so true! Good luck on abode-hunting and furniture finding!
ReplyDeletexo,
Ang
It's true MJ...tears are small rivers clearing our souls, my grandma used to say...
ReplyDeleteI have been there ( with my kids ) sometimes. Realizing it is the first step.
A really good post. Thank you my friend : )
Oh, honey. Moving is tough stuff. Take those showers, lock the door and let it out. It's so natural to doubt the move but going west is the first of many great steps, I promise. Soon, it'll fall into place. It's ok to be tense and terse. You're a wonderful mama. Your kids won't remember how you lost it, they'll remember what you did to bounce back. Here's a big {huuuuuuug}. xoxo
ReplyDeleteim pleased to know im not the only one who feels like that sometimes! although, i wouldn't call it bad mothering, just being a normal human. (and i love the sticker!)
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mum! The fact that you recognised the problem, had a good cry and then returned to have some fun with your children proves that you really are doing a fantastic job. We all know how hard being a parent can be at times and if you add house moves and other stresses to that you potentially have an explosive mix... Don't be too hard on yourself and make sure you take some time out just for you. Have a good week xo
ReplyDeleteHugs! I am reading this late, so I hope the weekend was good meds for you. For me, transition has always been a journey I dealt with selfishly (something I am working on). It is very hard to do so when you have little ones who are dealing too. I think you are doing an amazing job!!
ReplyDelete