the hummingbird's wings

It's just been that kind of weekend, summer in fact. Flying with the slight of whim, scheduling and canceling plans at the last minute, some hours just lazing by with a little bit of reading, a little bit of crafting, a little bit of banjo, and a whole lotta polaroids. Friendship was a theme this weekend, and I clung to the laughter, the conversations, the sharing of food and drink. And with every single beat, I'm watching my kids change, my husband change, the season's change, my life moving as quickly as the hummingbird's wings. I linger, I hover, all the while praying that somehow, somewhere, my memories are storing what my film cannot.

The blog world feels like it's changing (or is it me)?  From the wanderings I make, and even from my own time or lack there of that I spend in these spaces, something is different. I visit old friends and still peek at new ones, but I sense we are shifting, some moving on, some transforming into something new.  Me? I'm just hanging on to the day to day. Not the kind of cliffhanger hanging on, where I feel like I'm going to fall at any minute, but the "enjoying the view" kind of hanging on. The kind where I just want to remember why I am even here in this space. To wonder and question, remember, and honor the life I've been given, and to navigate and discover the inner marriage between the 2 parts of me: the human and the soul.

I guess that is why I write what I write. The longer I am out here, the more I see how much we all have so much in common, how we have battled similar battles, questioned similar questions, struggled similar struggles. In the end, we all just want to remember why we are here, to notice the things we don't want to miss, and to record the things that make us beautiful and resilient, no matter how fast our days move, just like the hummingbird's wings.

Monday love...

xoxo

joining Amanda

You are WOW

bag was made by this lovely lady

(Mushy blog love alert!)

So all of your comments just completely WOWED me on the last post. There is no doubt that we all receive something special from being
risk-takers,
muck-swimmers,
soul-cultivators,
truth-diggers,
and growth-seekers--
and then throwing ourselves out there, bare-assed and vulnerable for the blog world to see. We are better for it, stronger and braver with thicker skin to match.

morning/sunrise

evening/sunset

It's an odd thing to have connected so intently with people I've never met in person (save a few ;), but I have. The true gifts of integrity, through the words used, the vulnerability shared, and the kindnesses extended, shine through loud and clear when I read what you have written on any given day. The blogging community, at least the one that I am a part of, has a way of bringing out the best in each other, and for that I am grateful. Thanks for your words, your poetry and prose, your sincerity, and for seeing me as I see you. 

I do love your soul.

xoxo

52 photos project

The wind is wild

So, a good friend of mine suggested that I don't write poetry on the blog.

His opinion is that poetry is a difficult thing to connect with, extremely subjective and ambiguous. Meaning, I may know what the hell I am writing about, but others may not (like studying poetry in 9th grade). The other thought, my poetry just sucks and no one gets it.

I do see his point in some ways. Whenever I post poetry, it receives the least amount of comments compared to anything else I post. The real question is though, do I give a crap? I don't, not one bit.

Don't get me wrong, I love posting things readers respond to. But I think if we have been blogging long enough, we get better at not measuring success or joy by the amount of comments received. If I did, I would have quit a long time ago, hehe. Receiving and giving comments carries a meaning all its own, a meaning filled with honest gratitude, kindness, and connection. I have learned that the better I get at separating ego from giving or receiving comments, the more honest and authentic I feel.

So back to the poetry. I am also learning that to truly commit to being creative, you cannot give two shits about rejection, failure, approval, or any form of external validation. Harder said than done, I know. I can say with self-proclaimed expertise, praise can be an insidious poison that creates addicts if we don't remember our intentions. So if and when a kindness does arrive, humility and gratitude overcomes ego and ambition. I may not be a natural poet, and I may not be particularly good at prose either, but I lose myself in the beauty of words. Anyone that spends time listening for the heartbeat a collection of words can muster, is reeled in helplessly and willingly by the daydream and romance the rhythm spins. This is what I love, this is what I seek.

So, here I am helpless and willing, tossing my words out into the world with no agenda, only for the joy of it :). That's just what bloggers and writers do :).

I wrote this last night as the winds around Boulder shook things up a little...(btw, if you couldn't tell, I love alliteration :).

A walk in the moonlight
is a wish that won't be made tonight.

The wind--
wild, whooshing and whirling,
crashes against the window,
waving woody branches as if
wanting them to grow wings and fly.

I wait for the whistling--
or the howling,
but the gusts want to
wax and wane instead.

Without worry, I feel warm
and safe within my house
as a whirlwind of leaves
scatter across the streets,
wandering far away from where they once began.



xoxo

Happy Wednesday

Absent and Present

My cat follows me everywhere. He demands attention in the morning and in the evening, and probably anytime in between if we were home long enough to be available. The kids are in camp everyday for the next few weeks. I should say two different camps with different drop off points and different pickup times, shifting our schedules and limiting my computer time in the mornings. Funny thing about me is that once I am out, I like to stay out. Colorado mornings are so compelling, there is no where I'd rather be, and nothing I'd rather do than to be a part of it all.

So in that sense, I know I have been very absent from here and in your spaces. Yet at the same time, please know that I have also been very present, enjoying time to myself, following whim, sunshine and trails, helping entrepreneurs, hosting gatherings, soaking in some good reading, shopping for exotic chocolate,and even beginning to crochet again (an old UFO some of you may recognize)...

much love friends

 xoxo

"Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." ~ Van Gogh

 I know I said I was going to be gone for a few days, and I will, starting Thursday.  I just have a couple more little things to share before some much needed unplug time :). You know what I mean <wink>.

•••
fog on a Sunday morning

a boy determined to master a board with wheels

"sledding" in the Florida sun

or nature's persistence

So many wonderful little things quickly fill such a short amount of space and time, it is easy to miss them.  But being here in this blogosphere has been nothing short of extraordinary for my awareness of these little things. 

When I participate in weekly postings hosted by other bloggers such as Soule Mama, Small Things, or Ordinary Life Magic, they are ways for me to slow down and feel in sync with others all around me in this space.  I feel akin to absolute strangers, knowing that at a given moment we are all reaching for the same thing--some depth, some connection and some inspiration.  Well, at least, I will say so for myself.  Of course I feel warm and fuzzy when people visit me here, but I know my wanderings elsewhere are equally uplifting.  I have already met so many kind, generous, loving, funny, and talented people here.  More, I dare say, than anywhere else. 

With that said, it is time for me to pass on the Stylish Blogger award I received from Rural Revival (thanks Andrea!).  There are two requirements to receiving this award.  First, share 7 things about myself.  Then, choose 7 more bloggers to pass the award on to!!  I love the number 7, it has turned up over and over in my life :).

1) I looovvve espresso.  I have one every morning and admittedly use to be addicted to Starbucks Doubleshot (the mini ones in a can).  Those are very baaaaaad for you and very addictive, so stay away!! Being half Japanese, I should love tea.  In fact, I have a lovely assortment of fresh herbal teas. But, they just sit there, in the very special airtight container I purchased, being trumped daily by the evil dark bean...

2) I love to snowboard.  I learned at 36 and earned that right to call myself a snowboarder after being unable to walk for 3 days post learning.  Living here in FL unfortunately hasn't allowed me to pursue this passion consistently, but that will change next year!

3) In my life B.C. (before children), I was a pediatric occupational therapist specializing in sensory integration.  Yep, it's a mouthful.  To translate, I worked with kids who had trouble integrating their senses to function "typically".  To be honest, the kids I worked with were some of the brightest, most colorful, and endearing personalities I have ever met.  I had a firsthand look at how our traditional, mainstream, school systems boxed these beautiful kids up into a label and set them aside for someone else to deal with.  Little do these labelers know that these kids were not only amazing, but brilliant.  I  know because I worked with these kids everyday for 10 years.  I know because I have one of my own now :).

4) I have rats, on purpose.  Two to be exact, and they were the solution to the constant begging to have animals in our home.  I love animals, especially dogs. Yet, our home in suburbia with less than a quarter acre and teeny tiny back yard would be a far cry from ideal for the big doggy I would like to have.  So, as with snowboarding, being a dog owner will have to wait until the not too distant future.  Meanwhile, Remy and Spud have provided the perfect amount of joy that any rat can give.  Rats are phenomenal pets, truly.

5) Desperately, I want to learn to play an instrument.  Throughout my years, I have played the flute, the drums, the piano, and most recently attempted the ukelele.  I know, it's not the instrument.  It's me.  I just haven't found that one thing that I have enough patience to stick to yet.  I get frustrated too easily and want to play Chopin by day 3.  Ridiculous.  But, I think I may have finally found it, an instrument that will be easy to play and have me playing music in no time! A strumstick!! I learned about it from Jenna in Made from Scratch.  So we shall see...

6) I love to dance.  I don't mean dance club dance (though that is fun, too:)).  I mean contemporary, hip hop, jazz, lyrical dance. It frees me in a way that is indescribable.  If I could it all over again, I would be a professional dancer.  Oh, and singer and musician :).  Basically I would want to be J.Lo, with an instrument.

7) I could eat Asian food everyday for the rest of my life.  Japanese, Korean, authentic Chinese, Vietnamese... all of it.  I was born with chopsticks in my hand, well, nearly...

Well, that was fun, and probably far too much information than you really wanted to know. So here comes the second part, passing it on.  These are the blogs that I bequeath the Stylish Blogger award to:

Lady Cordelia
Holistic Mama
Describe Happy
Gypsy Forest
One Little Window
EllieMoon
Living and Learning

The embarrassing part is that these blogs receive far more visitors than me and most likely don't need any introductions, awards, or links, especially from a novice such as myself.  However, it's all about spreading the love and letting these folks know that I think they've got style :).

One last thing.  I have learned that Blog Guidebook is doing free listings for a short period of time for bloggers.  The site is a wonderful collection of bloggers of several different categories, as well as many how-to's for new bloggers (and old) like me. Take a jaunt over there and list your blog, for free!!!

Thanks for sticking around if you are still here. See, all these little things always add up to something big :).
Cheers...