"We are all wanderers on this earth...our hearts are full of wonder, and our souls are deep with dreams." ~ Gypsy proverb

Monday, October 24, 2011

the hang of it

my new favorite mug--"breathe"

Oh it was a good weekend. I was soooo not "productive". I did nothing but enjoy the things that I love... I knitted, read, practiced with the polaroid (#1 and #5, not so bad, eh?), watched movies, listened and sang out loud to great music.

We took the kids to our favorite park, just look at this park and you can see why it's our favorite...




I know it looks like he's pouting, but he really wasn't, though he may have been slightly annoyed with me taking his polaroid again...and again.  I would have snapped his sister, but she was off being a werewolf in the park somewhere.

I can feel it coming you know. The impending close of our time here in FL. My family keeps asking me where we are going and when we are leaving. I have never been without my mother and my brother nearby. I watched the cousins playing together, and I could feel everything. I could feel the apprehension, the tightness, the inevitable sadness of our separation, and I think I am sweeping the expulsion of those emotions to a corner labeled "face later."

My mom said something interesting to me this weekend. She said, "I don't recognize you anymore! You are so relaxed. You don't even know where you are going... or when..." Ahh, it's true I thought. I don't know. I don't know and I am okay with it. Maybe I am finally making peace with the unknown, the repetitiveness of the education finally sinking in. There is a balance between the two opposing ends of fearing what we will lose and being excited about what we may gain. There is no turmoil when we understand the weight of each is equal, only calm. I may not be here in this peaceful-in-between for long as the packing and the goodbye's begin. But I hope I remember how it feels for now, while I still have the hang of it...

Loss And Gain

When I compare
What I have lost with what I have gained,
What I have missed with what attained,
Little room do I find for pride.

I am aware
How many days have been idly spent;
How like an arrow the good intent
Has fallen short or been turned aside.

But who shall dare
To measure loss and gain in this wise?
Defeat may be victory in disguise;
The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.

~
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

much love to you on this Monday....
xoxo

Linking today with Amanda for Weekending...

37 comments:

  1. Sounds like you are living in a mindful way ... aware of the now ... the present moment ... living in that moment fully. There will be time for all the emotion of the move and the leaving ... but you always carry them in your heart. Wonderful post and beautiful shots with the polaroid!

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  2. I'm happy I'm not the only one to have had a totally "un-productive" weekend ;-) I have to say, the way you write does seem very relaxed and happy. I actually like to not plan everything and not know what's round the corner. For me, it seems to make life more interesting and "lived" - I'm sure you'll figure everything out if you have to, otherwise it's great to go with the flow :-) Have a lovely week. xo

    PS: Love the pics!

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  3. Mindful living-something I'd like to undertake some time (maybe right now :) Although I'd have to take baby steps - maybe a day or two of not planning my day and being okay with that. While I like spontaneity, I do like being grounded as well.

    Looking forward to reading about your travels to come!

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  4. so sweet in a wistful kind of way. love the poem, and #5, he looks pensive to me and not at all pouty. love the mental place your in. lovely.

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  5. it's the most amazing sense of well-being when we find ourselves transitioning to new, more peaceful, places.

    yes, i love your park because my girl would have a blast in it.
    love the tone you achieved in the triangle shot.

    and your weekend sounds very productive to me! knitted and practiced your camera. what's a productive weekend then? lol ;)

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  6. what wise words from longfellow - thank you for sharing - and i like how you've used them in this post to clarify more of your wonderful transcendentalist feelings. i know these feelings well in my last two moves across the globe and just with losses of loved ones and new loved ones gained even... what a reflective post and one that can be related to by me so well. i love your polaroids and the last one is just so beautiful with this post.

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  7. A lovely post MJ. I love how your feelings of relaxation and peace are coming across to your family. Those feelings make life so much more enjoyable!
    What a great park, I can see why it's a favorite.
    xx

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  8. This is a beautiful post. Just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a blog award. Check it out on my blog. Rosemarie

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  9. i love what your mother said to you, that you're so relaxed you're like a new person. i think it means that even though things are uncertain and up in the air, you're truly happy with this path you and your family are on, ready to spread your wings and embrace new experiences. so happy for you.

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  10. a wonderful post! i am happy for you. for not knowing and being ok about it... and i thank you for your lovely and inspiring comment the other day... its good to "know" you : )

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  11. You've summed up your thoughts so lovely with your fitting quote. And to begin your day with a mug with a reminder to just breath is a good way to begin a day.

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  12. love the 'roids! So fun to see the outcome of these photos. Thanks for stopping by. I will be moving my blog to a new home, with a giveaway in the near future to celebrate.Veronica

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  13. It is wonderful that you are fully ready to embrace the unknown. Life is fun as long as you are with loved ones to share it with. I have moved many times, some places far from family and I enjoyed all of the adventures along the way.

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  14. This is a beautiful post, MJ. We have a bit of this "floating" going on in our house right now. I'm not as relaxed as you about it (kudos) but I'm BURSTING with excitement. I've never lived anywhere but "home" either. But I'm ready. We're ready. Our adventure awaits us.

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  15. Oh, and I think I might be obsessively in LOVE with that mug......sigh

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  16. love this! I actually had my mother say something very similar to me recently- it was an awesome moment. Living, being in the moment is so very important. The everyday adventure!

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  17. that is awesome. the pictures are amazing- the last one really gets me.
    and congrats on your new found freedom and ability to go with the flow.
    You journey is inspiring to all of us! Thank you so much for sharing it in such a real and honest way.
    XOXOXOX
    C

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  18. That park looks amazing!! I love how you captured it.
    So many exciting adventures ahead for you. Such a gift that you are entering the change with so much peace. xoR

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  19. Lovely photos (you done good with the Polaroid!!). Sounds like a chillaxed weekend. Perfect!

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  20. That sounds like the perfect weekend. I really admire your ability to savor the now despite the decisions and big changes that await you! I hope I can be so open-hearted and relaxed as we prepare for our next move. I'm so looking forward to hearing how your journey unfolds!

    That park looks amazing, and reminds me of my favorite park from when I was a girl. Definitely a wonderful place to embrace ones werewolfness! The polaroids are lovely, too.

    I hope the weekend's peace stays with you!

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  21. What your mom said is revealing. You might have found the way to live in the moment. Wherever life might lead you there will be happiness I am sure.

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  22. I love those Polaroids. We have a playground nearby, at the girls elementary school actually. It looks EXACTLY like yours. And guess, what? They want to tear in down of course, and put some ugly plastic one I am sure.
    I am so with you with the moving thing.
    We are putting our house on the market this Spring. We plan on moving only about 45 to an hour away, but coming from a family where everyone lives a few miles away that is a big deal. We just found a great place an hour and 20 minutes away, that would mean not being part of our church anymore, which is a big part of our lives. But I feel just like you: Where ever we "pitch our tent" will be OK with us, its wide open. And that is kinda cool.
    I just loved that poem too. Printing it out right now, to hang in my house.
    Cheers,
    Leah

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  23. oh lovely photos and your mug is awesome. i’ve been using the same mug for twenty years now and that one makes me want to change it up! great playground and so happy for your peace in the time of transition...surely a good sign. it wrenched me to leave my family and i had to constantly check in with my deepest desires to remind myself of why i am who i am...a wanderer and traveler with chicks of my own. i often found myself comparing my childhood (rock steady in one place surrounded by generations of family) to my children’s (very different) and thinking that i wasn’t giving them something necessary. matt kept me in check. there are so many paths and ours is ours and the gifts will be different and rich and varied and no matter where we are we have our ‘people’....near and far! they actually become that much more special for the distance between. hooray for your adventure!

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  24. well, of course it's a favorite, just LOOK at that place.

    very beautiful words here, MJ. I hope the feeling of peace and acceptance stays with you and if it does fade i hope it returns.

    it's always best if we go with the flow even if it's hard.

    i could not imagine being without my family. i thought about it for awhile and well, luckily that fell apart so i didn't have to, but i know someday i will, perhaps when my children are grown.

    my mother said something similiar to me last year and it made me feel so good.

    glad you had an "un"productive weekend, sounds like it was just what you needed.

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  25. great photographs, looks like a really nice park. would love to go!

    xx sarah
    www.ahitofsarah.net

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  26. Beautiful photos!! The park looks amazing.

    "You look so relaxed" - such a beautiful thing! To live in the moment and thoroughly enjoying it. Good for you!

    I envy you, and your freedom, to go where your heart wanders. I moved away from home for two years (to Florida!), but being near my mom brought me back home. There are so many other places I would love to move to. The world is too big to spend your entire life in one place, imo. But for now, I stay where I am.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with nonproductive weekends. Sounds like yours was perfect!

    xoxo

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  27. Maine is a lovely place...just sayin'

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  28. what great photos - and how amazing for you to find calm in the uncertain storm. of course, even when we think we "have a plan" it is just as uncertain. exciting to be so open....

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  29. Living in the present moment is so wonderful when we remember to do it. Sounds like you are!

    xo
    cortnie

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  30. What an amazing park! And what an amazing place you are in. I'm so happy and excited for you. Let me know if you want to talk Boulder some more, but West Seattle is so excellent (although traffic getting into the city will be a drag until the viaduct situation is resolved...2016 or something like that - of course it'll be a mess everywhere)! Hoping we're neighbors soon :-)

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  31. MJ -- I guess I haven't known you long enough to understand what exactly is happening in your life right now, but I'm glad that you are able to ride the waves as they come. That is not an easy thing to do when so much is up in the air.

    Love your photos today. Have a great week. :)

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  32. That is an absolutely scrumptious mug! We collect mugs around here, and that would fall in the category of one of our favorites. :)

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  33. what beautiful confirmation your mother gave you. Sometimes I feel like I could make it through any trial or adventure if I just 'relaxed.' It hasn't happened yet- I haven't learned to shut off my mind, or at least tune out to appreciate the space and bodies around me so that I can relax. And that park is gorgeous!

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  34. What a great poem! And I'm so happy to hear that you're in a good "place" because this means no matter where you go or what life throws at you...you will be alright.

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  35. I love the floating in-between-ness that you are in right now. The moment of stillness just before moving, the peace of just after/just before. I love that you are holding it, like a dancer between moves. I love that you are treasuring it so sweetly. Beautiful, MJ.

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  36. oooh, that sweet in-between, when the in-between in sweet.

    hang in there :)

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“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
~ George Bernard Shaw