Chasing light

Light:

1) A cat on a harness and leash. We didn't declaw our cat, we adopted him that way. Yet I couldn't help feeling so badly for him as his howls begging to go outside just squeezed my heart so earnestly. And so now he has supervised visits and he beams :).

2) A losing team winning an entire tournament. It's true, up until this weekend, my son's soccer team has lost every single game. This weekend, they played 4 teams in two days and left undefeated, with medals and a trophy. And yes, we all were beaming :).

3) Signs to push forward. Ever since I wrote that post last week on writing, I've been getting signals beginning with this in my inbox the very next day. That knot in my stomach has always been the edge of the precipice, an extreme feeling of discomfort like I'm going to gag any minute, and the compelling desire to fiercly protect my fragile ego. It is the bondage to being human we are all born with. I have failed so many times, I wonder why it never gets easier? The good news is that I am here and I am still writing and for me, that still counts.

4) Art retreat!!!!  For anyone that loves making things, from novice to expert, art retreats are balms for the creative soul. If you have been reading here awhile then you may remember how Squam had a significant impact on me over a year ago.Well how lucky am I that a woman named Ali decided to create an art retreat for those of us here in the west. The Makerie art retreat was founded here in Boulder a few years ago and this Spring, I will be attending. If you are a tiny bit interested, there are 3 opportunities to attend, including one in NYC. And if you do sign up, please let me know!!!

5) In the same vein, a longtime blog friend Claudine of Becoming Claudine is hosting her 2nd annual Gladsome retreat in the Great Lakes region. Claudine is one of kindest, most down to earth bloggers I have met out here, and I can only imagine that her retreat will be full of creative spark, warmth and connection. She had wonderful success last year and I wish her even more this fall. I will be headed to Florida so I won't make it, but it is my great hope to attend one day :). Lots of love to you Claudine!

Wishing you a great week...
xoxo

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
~ Brené Brown

Weekending....

Water, water everywhere

What a weekend. I really don't know where to begin. Shall I start last Wednesday when the downpours in Boulder began and didn't stop for 3 days? Or when we and some of our friends left that very day and drove 4.5 hours to go on a rafting trip down the CO river for those same 3 days?

Water. Water was to be our future no matter what direction we went.

So as we set off on our rafting adventure Thursday morning, that was the first we heard of the flooding at home. We considered turning back and going home, but with the roads being closed and more rain coming to Boulder, there was little we could do. Moving forward seemed the best decision at that point.

So we paddled down the river with spotty blue skies and rain clouds off in the distance. Red, gorgeous canyons with lines of geological history imbedded in its wrinkles became our views.

I think all of our minds were wandering between here and there, the taste of bitter and sweet mingling in and around the rafts that held us afloat. We kept in touch regularly with friends and family from Boulder. I was feeling quite helpless and often guilty for the tranquil moments we were having with water. And then our challenge came...

We could see the lightening storm approaching with its accompanying cracks of foreboding thunder, rain curtains slowly dragging across the landscape like a dress too long. I dared to enjoy the white strikes of beauty that flashed across the sky, and chase away fear's creeping stench by focusing on finding a landing point for the rafts. Where we were, the Colorado river was lined with brush, rocks and cliffs, with very few landing points between campsites. Intrepidness was necessary at this point, for our own hearts and for our children's. We got separated from the other two rafts right as the downpour began. Thinking that they landed on the other side of the rocky island that separated us, we landed too with only the kind of grace that kept us from getting hurt, certainly not the kind that defined beauty. It was the only landable area nearby, but there was absolutely zero shelter to hide from the lightening. And then we saw the other two rafts emerge downstream.  Crap.

We scrambled back onto the rafts quickly and gingerly as mud sucked at our water shoes and threatened to make every surface we touched an accident scene. Lightening continued with thunder and rain everywhere. When we did catch up to the other two rafts they had stopped along a bank filled with brush, climbed up and had bushwhacked out of visibility. We did the same, dragging along our tarp to try to create a shelter for ourselves. There we were, all rafts separated from each other but within in yelling distance, huddled in various spots along the bank, among brush, bushes, and mud, waiting for it all to end...and then...

"Mom!!!! I found a caterpillar!!!!! Oh he is sooo cute! I am going to call him Squishy!!"

I think it was more like an inchworm, but after she found Squishy, the rain soon stopped, and we all emerged from our thicketed cocoons---renewed, re-spirited, and relieved...

(Sidenote: Squishy actually ended up not surviving the rest of the trip, reminding us how fragile we all are whether we are plucked from the comfort of our homes or not. )

The rest of the rafting trip was equally memorable with a few more lightening storms, torrential downpours, and group huddles under extra large tarps. Not to say we didn't enjoy ourselves with campfires, hikes, swimming and mudpies---bittersweet mudpies knowing what was still going on at home...

Meanwhile, stories from home of flooded basements, roads turning to riverbeds, and an entire town being evacuated kept me mindful of the contrasts of nature's powers, and just how fortunate we are to survive anything. 

And that's what we humans do best, we survive and we help each other survive. Floods, typhoons, hurricanes, lightening storms, ultimately we have no choice but to say "bring it". No matter what challenges come our way we figure out a way to face them, accept them, deal with them, and overcome them. And we can only hope that along the way that we learn something, and are forever grateful to experience another day.



We are home now, and our house miraculously managed well through the rain, only a few leaks despite being next to the creek. And with schools closed for the next few days, we look to helping our friends and neighbors in any way we can...

Sending love and prayers to all those in need...

Much love to you all
xoxo

Weekending...

Peaches and the crave for solitude

This weekend we went to the Lafayette Peach Festival where we found delicious peaches from Palisade, CO, some as large as softballs. Peach tea, peach cobblers, peach smoothies, peach pie...yep, peach heaven. Well, that's all I have to say about peaches...

Yesterday, we went out to breakfast at a local diner. In the courtyard, I found a whole step covered with Mickeys and Minnies. I can't see a Mickey or Minnie without thinking of Orlando. It made me think of the life I had there when I was just a girl. It made me think of my family. As I watched a father play hide-n-seek in that courtyard with his 2 little girls, somehow the memory and the moment melted together to form a soft landing for the tiny ache that followed. The girls squealed in delight as the wide-eyes behind their hands watched their dad tuck around a corner. They bolted after him after a count of only 6.



The crave for solitude has been strong these past few days, but not the quiet kind of solitude. It's a restlessness, like the flickers of a waking fire just waiting to burst from smoldering ash. When my mind wanders to places other than where I am I know it's time to fan those flames with a slow exhale. Sometimes I forget that I can't breathe deeply, restoringly, without first exhaling...

Monday love...

Joining Amanda for Weekending....

xoxo

A week in pictures

I hope you've had a great week and weekend too!!

xoxo

with Amanda....

Gobble gobble...

I did. I gobbled the weekend right up. Everything about the last two days was slow and intentional, just as I hoped it would be.  With a boy who embroidered his favorite bear (his first attempt ever) and a Girl Scout stopping by with her my thin mints, can I really ask for anything better? Ok, one more thing, a clean and shiny car via the rainbow car wash. The kids love it-- who needs Disney World?

Hope your weekend was just as sweet...

Monday Love

xoxo

Weekending with Amanda...

I wish I could blame it on the moon.

I wish I could say
it was a perfect weekend full
of happy days and gentle evenings.
But, it wasn't.

I wish I could say
there was harmony and joy
between us all and that I laughed
more than I cried.
But I didn't.

I wish I could blame it
on the full moon for emotions running high
and erratic wolfman-like behavior.
But, I won't.

What lays buried underneath
is not content being hidden,
shushed, ignored, or forgotten.
It will soon hunt air
to take a long, deep breath...

And so it breathed...

It exhaled rocky moments and sad moments,
paused...
then spewed out moments filled
with doubts, difficult truths and hard resentments.

And so we remembered...

Perfection does not live here.
Neither does denial, or perpetual anger.
What lives here is my beautifully, imperfect family
full of love, tears and laughter,
and an earnest willingness to
forgive, heal, and love again...

And so we grew,
and so we breathed,
and then together,
we howled at the moon...

Monday love.....

xoxo

Weekending...

Sway

I needed this long weekend badly. I've slowed from a rampant rabbity run to a turtle's rhythmic and grounding sway. If I pause long enough, I can hear my heart skip a beat on the truly remarkable things. The hairs on my arm will stand on end, reaching for the vibrations that escape the naked eye. The smell of acrylic on canvas, the sound of a paint brush as it fills the grooves. Painting together, my children and I shared wordlessly in these wonders. They did not see me beaming in my quiet joy.

It was the girl's birthday party this weekend. Friends and neighbors joined in and my happiness for her swirled endlessly like the white curls on her beautiful birthday cake. Yes, it has been a very good weekend.



I've been looking upon myself with gentler eyes lately. Fear has been unusually quiet and I wonder what I've done to deserve this reprieve. Perhaps it's not a question of deserving, but more a condition of ripening as the worthy journey of finding voice and flow continues. Faith does have a way of helping us forget that we were once afraid to fly. And I find myself leaning in further as the long yellow petals of bloom reaches for me still.

Monday love to you, and Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day...

xoxo

Weekending with  Amanda...

ps. thanks for all your lovely words on my last post!!

Whooosh!!

You want to know what went really fast? The weekend. Whooosh!! So fast that I recall fragments by bits of color like green, orange, and chocolate brown.

Green:
I recall Friday in green due to a mouth-watering meal that Hubs and I ate at this place. I had fried green pickles served with a side of green goddess aioli as my appetizer. Yes, let me say it again--FRIED, and it was worth every. green. bite.

Orange:
Saturday brought me a little package that opened bursting with orange--a delicious orange tote, covered with pomegranate print. It is so beautifully made, and came as a giveaway win from this friend and blogger!! Thank you!!! The tote is now home to my growing blanket throw that I am still knitting (can anyone give me a hallelujah for knitting progress please??).

Chocolate brown:
Sunday was chocolate brown Hershey's bars and gooey, white, burnt melted marshmellow flanked by crispy honey graham crackers. It was s'mores, by the fire pit, with the neighbors, guilty as charged. (Watched Clue again recently, love that movie..)

Happy Monday

xoxo

Weekending with Amanda!!

As simple as that

Slow and simple went the weekend, with silence filling the spaces between wandering thoughts. When bad things happen, I only know to be silent. I only know to possess the ones in pain deep within folds of compassion and empathy. In whispers I pray to all that surrounds me, trusting that it's easier to give in to the unknown than to try to find understanding, reasoning, or blame. And then I have to let it all go.

I had all kinds of plans this weekend, but the boy came down with another sickness on Friday, changing the pace of our days. We stayed in all weekend baking, watching holiday movies, and even had visits from good friends who gave me a wonderful reprieve for a few hours on Sunday. And the preciousness of time has not been taken for granted. Today, both kids are sick and I hold them close just a while longer.

I spent a lot of time writing and Unravelling this weekend, preparing my soul earnestly and intentionally for 2013. As I contemplate a word for next year, I soon leave behind the word "Open". It was a perfect word for 2012 and I feel nothing but deep gratitude for a year that changed my life in every way I know.

While wandering around the web this weekend, I came across these words by Ira Glass about growing creatively, in case you haven't heard it yet...



And it is, as simple as that...

Monday Love and Weekending...

xoxo