Friday, October 12, 2012
Acceptance, self-love, compassion, these are all things that have bloomed brightly within over the years. I feel genuinely happy most of the time and I know this because of my natural desire to share my joy with others. There was a time that I never smiled at passersby, never. I trusted little and was too involved in self to even notice them. Now, the ease of a gentle nod and smile pours forth, I almost can't help it.
There is no denial here, no phony happy face plastered to hide pain. Yet the feelings of insecurity, deep-seeded will-I-ever-be-good-enough insecurity still can waft in on a lonely, isolated breeze. The smell of it tickles my nose to alert my senses, and I wonder, will it ever go away? And I know the answer before I finish asking the question. I am changed from the scared shell of a girl that I uncovered 15 years ago, but she is still here with me, holding my hand, trusting me, looking up to me, encouraging me to never stop seeking, never stop growing, and most importantly, to never forget her or how far we have come together.
“If you fear nothing, then you are not brave. You are merely too foolish to be afraid.”
~ Laurell K. Hamilton
The fear that I had beginning Pixie's class is gone now, completely. Fear's face is one that I have met before, and instead of running from her, I remember to embrace her like an old friend. As always, she is the gateway to better things, a better understanding, and a greater acceptance of not just me, but of everyone else around me.
Much love to you, and may you embrace a shadow, too...