"We are all wanderers on this earth...our hearts are full of wonder, and our souls are deep with dreams." ~ Gypsy proverb

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Instinct, reason, and finally clarity...


How little you would
mean to me if
I could find and collect you
so readily...

We have come to a decision about M's schooling next year. It was a month ago when I wrote this post about her struggles with school.

Since then, and after much conversation about homeschooling, with teachers at her current school, and even with teachers from prospective schools, she and I both decided that it would be best for her to stay where she is. I have learned through these weeks of weighing in options, thoughts, feelings, and possible consequences, and weeks of conversing with her current teacher, that we are not the only ones that care about this little girl.  We are not the only ones that truly appreciate her for her relentless desire to see and live in the world the way she wants to live in it. And my husband and I are not the only ones that want to give her the support, the love, and the courage to help her create her own mold, rather than try to fit in any other.


Trust begins when we let people in.
Trust evolves because we listen, then consider that perhaps we don't have to do it alone.
Trust is established when we believe that together, we can make a difference.

I am still learning. I think the Montessori method has helped me understand that the struggles my daughter is going through are happening for a reason, and that if I just wait--be there, but just wait, she will learn and work things out on her own with consistent support and consistent communication. I think the teachers who have spent hours with my daughter have offered another perspective that only an attentive and qualified teacher could. They have impressed me with how well they know my children, and I have finally begun to trust a process not entirely in my control. I don't like to see my children struggle, but we parents know that someday somehow they will, no-- they must in order to figure themselves out, to understand how they can adapt in situations out of their own control. I can see my child struggle, offer comfort and support, but I don't have to swoop in and fix it. Someone else has got my back now, someone else has got my children's backs, and together we can work to help them learn how to help themselves, to gain the sense of accomplishment and confidence that can only be gained through facing adversity.

It does take a village, it absolutely does...

Wishing you a lovely weekend...



  1. I love your truth, and I agree it does take a village. The key for me is finding the right village, that is not always easy.

    So happy to hear you have worked your way through this and found clarity. I am sure the process was both difficult and fulfilling.

  2. so glad to hear this, MJ....

    i know where you are, i hear this loud and clear..Savannah is fortunate in that she, too, has had wonderful teachers these past two years and they've taught me a grudging trust and faith ;).

    and you really can't knock the power of conversation...every evening we have a "debriefing" -- we sit on my bed in our pajamas and talk about her day and it allows her the space to unravel her thoughts and feelings. and yeah, as much as i don't ever want her to struggle or hurt, i know there is great wealth in the adversity....

    have a most wonderful weekend...xoxo

  3. So glad that your daughter has wonderful teachers looking out for her. Opening up trust to others is hard, but quite amazing to open up our world. Happy weekend! xoxo

  4. Wonderful news. So happy for you and your kiddos.
    Chey xo

  5. So glad to read this post MJ.
    We've had a bump recently with school. My 1st grader loves school but has had an issue with one little part of it recently.

    "...the struggles my daughter is going through are happening for a reason, and that if I just wait--be there, but just wait, she will learn and work things out on her own with consistent support and consistent communication."

    Yes. I am having to deal with that very same thing. I have offered her everything, pulling her out if need be for a few days, coming to school to visit when that one activity comes up, letting her skip the activity altogether...but she wants to muddle through. The "activity" I should just mention, is eating in the cafeteria on rainy days. She HATES it beyond belief. Lots of tears and upsetness. But she wants to also do it because all her friends do it and she...even at the tender age of 6...doesn't want "special treatment" because it embarrasses her.

    Gosh. SO much to think on here. It's so heavy, you know? Watching those little people just have to deal with shitty feelings. It's part of life. I tend to just want to fix it. And yet, if they are surrounded by love, good parents, good teachers, then they are SAFE. And we can them let them feel their way around in the dark. Because it's part of life. And all the while, be there for them.

  6. It's nice to hear you are have come to a place in your heart where you are at peace MJ. Your babies are going to fly high surrounded by all the love this world has to offer.
    Enjoy a beautiful Monday.

  7. Wow, that moment when you realize that you are not the only one who cares for and wants the best for your child....that's very profound to me. This is something I would like to keep in mind.

    I'm really glad you and your husband have found what feels like the right path regarding your daughter.


  8. I can't count the times I have uttered those words "it takes a village" in the last year as I've made my way in this world of parenting four children. I find that as I have opened up to teachers, neighbors, friends, and family, that there are many adults in this world who care for my children. Not necessarily the way I, their Mama, ever will, but care just the same.

    So happy for you as you've walked this path with others in the best interests of your children!


  9. i am so happy that you have found your place in this ever changing puzzle. it is so tricky and our gut reactions often have to be checked and ordered...sometimes daily. i'm a big believer in the village...there are so many folks with so many gifts and enthusiasm for sharing them..we just have to lean in and let it happen! and like you said so beautifully....trust.

    i think i'm preaching to myself right now! :)

    i just sent my middle boy off into the dark of the morning to the hospital for surgery with his dad...i have to work(in that village)...and am counting on others doing their part well...very well.

    deep breath.


    1. Hope all went well with your boy Ivey, thanks for your words....

  10. Thanks to all who commented here. You help me remember that we never navigate alone....


“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
~ George Bernard Shaw