Hubs and I went on a Christmas morning walk down the trail behind our house. The morning couldn't be more beautiful than it was on this day.
As I begin to reflect back on this year, I am stunned by how many changes have occurred. It has been a perpetual state of discomfort in many ways as we navigate the waters of unschooling and peaceful parenting. To say "it has been challenging" would be the greatest understatement in describing the choices we have made.
I love witnessing my children grow and learn. I love being a part of their everyday lives of discovery. I love that we are learning without school. I love that we have placed punishments, yelling, authoritative parenting aside and have embraced trust, respect, honest communication, and peace. But as they are evolving into more confident and self-knowing children, I, too, am evolving into someone more authentic, creative, and passionate. This is as it should be when embracing unschooling, but this comes with its own set of challenges. I have battled feelings of loss, feelings of selfishness, and feelings of indignation, and even feelings of jealousy. I catch myself thinking about my own past and how things may have been different "if only". Sometimes I get angry and wonder if they realize just how amazing their life really is. Sometimes I want to put them back in school so that I can pursue my own passions as they have finally revealed themselves to me.
These are honest feelings and I can sit with them for a little while. Rational thinking always returns, as well as an understanding that more change needs to happen. Unschooling is about finding happiness and balance for all of us, not about sacrifice. Never do I want my children to think that they have to "give up" the best part of themselves for someone else, nor should I. This isn't even about unschooling at this point. This is learning to live authentically and openly. This is about all of us giving without feeling that we are losing something in the process. How I get to this place of abundance consistently? I don't know but I am anxious to find out. This is what I am reflecting on today and what I hope for as we end this year and enter the next. You?