Not one bit

When I'm driving down the mountain and music fills the spaces all around me
with songs like this:

 

 or this:

 

That's when the right words suddenly pour from some hidden spring buried deep within my brain. Music is the magic tap, always....

Twice in two weeks, it has come up, this wonderful life of mine. A "soccer mom" comment and a "what DO you do all day?"

Maybe it's because I look weightless, burdens safely tucked in the palm of my hand and not strapped to my back. Or maybe it's because I find joy in my living. Or maybe it's because I live like I mean it. Or maybe because I live every day with gratitude. Money does not make me happy, and managing it is my least favorite thing to do. But living like everyday is my last, that's what makes a life a good life. So hell yes, I will paint, I will write, I will take pictures, I will snowboard, hike, learn to do new things and I will do it all while being the best mom and wife that I can be, because that is what I am here to do.

To live, to love and to learn, shamelessly, earnestly, completely.

But I don't say these things out loud, even though I want to. Even though I want to let them know that we made distinct choices before our children were born, that we have paid our dues to have the life we have, to say that my life as a stay-at-home mom is the hardest thing that I have ever done, or explain away all the hours of hard work that my husband continues to do to allow me to be that stay-at-home mom, and that the relationship that we have with our children has been worth every single choice that we've ever made. No, I don't owe them guilt, shame, excuse, or explanation, not anything.

Not. one. bit. :)

xoxox

the dance floor

Simple.

I will be dancing
with her this weekend,
twirling her around
in my fingers,
and sashaying arm and arm
with her around our wooden floor,
dust bunnies not too far behind.

I will do what needs to be done
without over-thinking,
without overdoing,
without resenting
that both kids are sick again,
that the Mr. is sick, too...

Because it's Friday,
because it's February,
because the sun is out,
because I can still write to you
and tell you what I'm thinking...

Because mindfully shooting our life through a lens
opens a brand new door,
reminding me that even with sniffles,
fevers, and stomach pains,
I can still invite
happy,
grateful,
and
simple
to prance along
our dance floor.

Wishing you a happy and healthy weekend with a little dancing in between :)....

xoxo

Pulse

There is much happening around here, a lease has been signed, a move-in date has been settled, and this mama is hunting furniture on Craig's List, at thrift stores, estate sales, and reclaimed furniture stores :). I am very much in a task-oriented phase, which leaves little room in my brain for creative energy and expression. There is a bit of lunacy in it all, so I come here to pause, find pulse and reconnect with the peaceful. I remind myself that busy-ness does not mean aliveness. Pulse thrives in taking time to witness the new growth of crocuses and daffodils that have arrived with Spring, the gurgling rush of water carving it's way down a creek, the sound of feet crunching on gravel and scraping against rock, the jubilant laughter that my children express freely, the sacred evening mealtimes we spend together nightly, and the rare, but sweet embraces my husband and I steal together in this tiny, crowded house.

Pulse exists here too in all the kind and knowing words you left for me in the last post. You are all such wise and wonderful women, thank you.

"And now I see with eye serene, the very pulse of the machine." ~ William Wordsworth

xoxo

it's always there, we just have to see it ♥ 

A Walk 
My eyes already touch the sunny hill.

going far ahead of the road I have begun.
So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;
it has inner light, even from a distance-

and charges us, even if we do not reach it,
into something else, which, hardly sensing it,
we already are; a gesture waves us on
answering our own wave...
but what we feel is the wind in our faces.
~Rainer Maria Rilke
We are mistaken if we think that the light in our dreams is what will make us whole. We are already light, we are already whole, we are already beautiful. Does this mean we don't reach for the stars? No, it only means to unseal what is closed, mend what is broken, embrace what is real, and walk where your heart desires. The stars are already in your pockets...

xoxo

I want them to know

I dont' believe in any such thing as an easy life. Some are harder or easier than others, but we all travel down the road of hurt one way or another. Some recover beautifully and use their experiences to give others all they can, mostly because they know what it takes to find peace. Others seem to never find their way and lead a life of pain, drama, and turmoil. And I think the rest of us fall somewhere along the middle, sometimes finding reparation and redemption, and other times hanging on to the bitterness.

So when I look at my babies' little faces, full of brightness, hope, eagerness, and innocence, what do I want them to know when they come along that path of pain? What are the words I want them to remember when they reach their own depths of sorrow?

I would want them to know they are not alone. They are never alone, even when the darkness closes in and all they want to do is lock the door.

I want them to know that they will always have a choice, and that love, compassion, kindness, and patience will always be the right answer. Hate, spitefulness, indignation, revenge spreads like a disease, and will destroy everything in its path, including the one that wields it.

I want them to know that abundance never leaves, only our awareness of it does. Finding the paths that lead to greater awareness will reveal abundance over and again.

I want them to know that unspoken anger, unspoken resentment, and unhealed hurts never go away, and sometimes the way to peace is through the pain, not around it.

I want them to know that one of the greatest gifts they can give themselves or to someone else is forgiveness. And through forgiveness, the path to peace will shine its brightest.

And finally, I want them to know that nothing is permanent (just as tough times don't last). Change is inevitable and how change affects us depends on our perspective of things.



I believe that good does not exist without bad, and sorrow does not exist without joy. We find balance by accepting both, learning from each, without forgetting the other. Today I want to remember these things and send warmth and strength to those that need it.

much love
xx oo

P.S. What are the things you would want your children to know ?

Morning meditation

Note to myself:

Don't think. Don't get caught in that trap. Don't get caught in believing that there isn't enough time. There is plenty. But you can't do it all. Some things just have to wait. And when you fill your mind with too many things, there isn't room enough to breathe. That's when your heart begins to race as fast as your mind. That's when your neck gets tense and your shoulders are up to your ears, your chest is tight and the worry lines begin to scrunch on your forehead.

Stop.   Look.   Listen.

Do you hear it? The hum of the fridge behind you. The touch of the keys underneath your fingertips. The trees outside the window blowing in the breeze.  The sunlight breaking through the blinds. The neighbor's cat on his morning walk through your backyard.  How I would love a cat.  Focus!!! Take a deep breath, now.

Don't forget what brings you here.  Don't forget today's purpose.  Feel alive, give love, remember abundance.  Don't forget to wander a little, don't forget to wonder. You have all you need.  Now go take your shower :).

much love
xx oo

Little things

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all." ~

Laura Ingalls Wilder

 This tree-lined street that brings me home everyday...

The way they would rather wear just underwear, than anything else...

The way a colorful basket of yarn brightens, while waiting so patiently...

The way the change on the table is a sign of the little one learning to count...

The way a picture, sent by a good friend, brings laughter for the fun we had together...

And the way thoughtful friends leave beautiful, supportive comments for another in need...Thank you for all your warm thoughts yesterday, you all make me smile :).

with much gratitude and love

xx oo

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower." ~ Hans Christian Anderson

If I ever need a change of heart, or a remembrance of abundance, or moments of promised joy, I drop what I'm doing and I go outside.

Or I get in the car and drive.  Drive to someplace where I know my spirits will lift, because sometimes it's all we can do to remember the miracles that surround us, and the miracle that is, us.

Thank you to UF's Museum of Natural History, and especially their Butterfly Rainforest, one of our favorite destinations.  It is truly one of the most magical places we ever visit.

This moment ~ Recovering

Joining SouleMama, with a few extra words...

He has been a beloved part of our family for nearly 9 years, since just before E. was born.  The most loyal, loving, generous, and patient best friend a young boy could ever have.  And until this past Wednesday he had been intact.  

Upon picking up my son from his sleepover with a friend, E. broke down into my arms sobbing and handed me a half-chewed, one-eyed, and one-eared bear with the front of his face nearly falling off.  Bear had become a chew toy for one of the dogs at his friend's house.  I felt tears welling up in my own eyes.  To see the deconstruction was almost too much to take.  I had come to love this little inanimate (but very much alive in our hearts) bear as much as E..  But, I held it together and held my son, making promises I wasn't sure I could keep.  I promised I would fix Bear.  I promised I would make Bear better and that I would do it as soon as we got home.   And I did.  I added more stuffing and then managed to sew him back together one stitch at a time.  The hole that was left where the eye use to be was about the size of a small egg.  Well, as you can see, we found a proper solution for that, too.

After a good bath, Bear was ready to find E.'s arms again.  It was a sweet, joyful reunion, and I can't tell you the happiness that filled my heart to be able to see them together again, intact and recovering.  Abundance has returned :).

May your weekend be filled with friendship, love, peace, and light...

E. and Bear at 4 years old.

"A little love goes a long way." ~ Regine Velasquez

I have to tell you my heart is full right now.  Even though my house is a complete wreck and I feel weeks behind in the things I "should" be doing, I am bursting with gratitude and feeling quite content. Maybe it's because my children have been so sweet and loving with each other lately, maybe it's because of all the hearts from the heart projects hanging around here.  Maybe I don't need to define it or find the reasons why, and just sit with this moment for a bit, and enjoy it :).

Thursdays are usually when I share what blogs, shops, or creations I have discovered that have touched my heart in some way and I have gotten away from it for awhile.  So I am going to get back on track with it today and release some of this feel-goodness.  After all, what good is feeling good if you can't share it someone else!!!

So, in celebration of discovery, and as I wander around the web, I am compelled to say "thank you". Thank you for getting up everyday and writing something, sharing something, making something. You inspire me:

Heather at Shivaya Naturals.  A fellow homeschooler and the co-editor for, ahem,  Rhythm of the Home.  I only discovered her and her site this past week, but she probably doesn't need introducing to many of you.  Her site is beautiful and clean with lovely ideas, crafts, and projects that I could spend at least a week doing!  It was this post on making lotion bars that caught my eye.  So nice to meet you Heather!

Andrea at Rural Revival.  I have been following Andrea for several weeks now and I hope it isn't presumptuous of me to actually call her a friend.  I just plain love her site.  She is a multilingual, farmhouse renovating, homesteading momma with a flare for being funny.   It just so happens that she gave me some blog love the other day, which I am to pass on here in the next few days.  Andrea, it has been such a pleasure getting to know you and your site.  Thank you for your pictures, words, and creativity!!

If you are feeling some love today, and even more if you aren't, please share what you are feeling grateful for today!!

"The love we give away is the only love we keep." ~ Elbert Hubbard

"The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." ~ Eden Philpotts

Thursday is the day where I share the discoveries I have found on the web and when I give gratitude for all that I have learned or discovered. I take so much pleasure in just finding other blogs and other people's creations that just to share it surrounds me with a feeling of abundance. That is when it dawned on me, that this entire week for me, has been about realizing abundance.

In this post only a few short days ago, I asked the simple question of how to feel abundant more often, more consistently. Since that time, I have been bombarded with messages, experiences, and moments that has given me an answer a thousand times over.  Abundance is not acquired, it already exists. Only our perspective brings abundance into awareness, with gratitude being the greatest conduit to that perspective.

There is a flipside. Feeling abundant all the time, is not possible. The awareness of abundance is not possible without the feeling of scarcity. Just as happiness is undefined without sadness, joy without pain, abundance without scarcity is unrealized. Does that mean I have to live with fear and scarcity half the time? No, but if I feel it, there must be something for me to learn. Growth only happens if you know there is something to learn, sometimes over and again. Sometimes you just have to ask the question, open and honestly, for an answer to present itself.

Paolo Coehlo said it ~ "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
So did Ralph Waldo Emerson ~ "Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."

So here is who I need to thank this week for helping me learn and re-learn these things:

Brene Brown who wrote The Gifts of Imperfection and her blog Ordinary Courage.

John Strelecky who wrote Life Safari.

And Nicole at Garden Mama who's entire site is about giving and sharing all her special talents to all those who want to learn.

With much gratitude, MJ

A Christmas reflection

Hubs and I went on a Christmas morning walk down the trail behind our house. The morning couldn't be more beautiful than it was on this day.

As I begin to reflect back on this year, I am stunned by how many changes have occurred. It has been a perpetual state of discomfort in many ways as we navigate the waters of unschooling and peaceful parenting. To say "it has been challenging" would be the greatest understatement in describing the choices we have made.

I love witnessing my children grow and learn. I love being a part of their everyday lives of discovery. I love that we are learning without school. I love that we have placed punishments, yelling, authoritative parenting aside and have embraced trust, respect, honest communication, and peace. But as they are evolving into more confident and self-knowing children, I, too, am evolving into someone more authentic, creative, and passionate. This is as it should be when embracing unschooling, but this comes with its own set of challenges. I have battled feelings of loss, feelings of selfishness, and feelings of indignation, and even feelings of jealousy. I catch myself thinking about my own past and how things may have been different "if only". Sometimes I get angry and wonder if they realize just how amazing their life really is. Sometimes I want to put them back in school so that I can pursue my own passions as they have finally revealed themselves to me.

These are honest feelings and I can sit with them for a little while. Rational thinking always returns, as well as an understanding that more change needs to happen. Unschooling is about finding happiness and balance for all of us, not about sacrifice.  Never do I want my children to think that they have to "give up" the best part of themselves for someone else, nor should I.  This isn't even about unschooling at this point.  This is learning to live authentically and openly. This is about all of us giving without feeling that we are losing something in the process.  How I get to this place of abundance consistently? I don't know but I am anxious to find out. This is what I am reflecting on today and what I hope for as we end this year and enter the next. You?