Instinct and reason

When it comes to my kids, I am quite proud. I'm not just proud of them, I am proud of all the changes and growth that we have accomplished together. I am proud of our relationship and how close we've become. I am proud of the work that my husband and I have put into parenting, unlearning damaging patterns, and replacing them with respectful, loving ones.

I've also become somewhat presumptuous. I trust in the connection that I have with my children and trust that my intuition has helped me grow acutely aware of anomalous changes or troubles. I have become quite confident that I can face any parenting challenge, because you see, I have X-ray vision and can see under the surface of my children's behaviors (and many times other kids). I read my kids' actions like a mystery novel and often can have the culprit/source of the behavior uncovered within minutes. I look at the situation, try to understand the emotions that arise from the situation, step back then analyze the big picture so that I can start helping the kids implement solutions. Yes, there is just a teensy bit of Sherlock Holmes pride here, eensy weensy.

So when my daughter began complaining about school, telling me things like "I don't like school", or  "I don't have any friends", or "no one likes me", it got my attention. Now, of course children complain. Children can be so dramatic as you know (especially my girl), but because I trust and respect what they are feeling, and I also believe they are honest reflections of what is happening inside, I listen to every complaint and weigh them against with what is happening all around them.

I have written about my daughter many times. She is a sensitive soul with a powerful imagination. Knowing exactly who she is and what she wants has always been her strength. When she is unhappy, annoyed, tired, sick, overwhelmed, together we usually can figure out why. But, especially in the last month or so, I've noticed my girl struggling with something big. I have honed in on those feelings and have been trying to understand them ever since. I think she is struggling with structure. I think she is struggling with conformity and rules. She is struggling with not being fed creatively, at least not in the way she hungers for anyway. She is struggling with realizing that the days of staying at home with mom, following her passions all day long without hindrance or interruption have disappeared, she is struggling with not being able to do what she wants when she wants, because she is now in a setting very different from the one she's had for several years before.

Most kids go through this I know. But do most kids begin to doubt themselves in the process? Do most kids began to see themselves as not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough? Do most kids go from confident and self-loving to distraught, moody and self-critical? Comparison and competition are unavoidable in a system where children are placed in a room together for 6 hours a day. I won't say that I didn't know this might happen, but the emotions and reactions that have grown out of my daughter from these experiences have hit me harder than I expected. And the boy? He has not had any of these issues, at all, confirming what I've known all along. The system is not made for everyone. Most of us don't question, we just follow instruction. We conform and accept because it is the norm, and because we can conform. But what about those that know intuitively that they can't, and truly don't want to, and struggle terribly because they try against their true nature? What about the kids that know themselves well enough to say "Mom, I didn't learn to read because of school, I learned to read because I was getting older"? What about the ones that begin to not like themselves because of the growing rift between who they know themselves to be and who they think society wants them to become?

I am still grappling with this one, I am. I see her struggling and my first instinct is to pull her out of school and homeschool again. I want to protect her self-esteem. I want to continue to nurture the light in her that causes her to rebel against the norm. I want to let her continue to live in her brilliantly, imaginative world of mythical creatures and stories than have to table them for math and learning how to read a clock. I want to put healing cream on all the little bumps and bruises that she gets from feeling like she is different from every one else, from peer troubles, from feelings of rejection, from having to do things that she earnestly doesn't want to do (and isn't sure why she has to do them at all).  Most importantly, I want her to love herself, as much as I love the bright, sparkling being that she is. And if something is in the way of her doing that, whatever it is I want to pick it up and remove it, blow it up, disintegrate it.

And Reason? Reason says this is part of growing up. Reason says that at some point kids have to adapt. Reason says that this is how we all learn that the world does not revolve on what we want, that we have to learn to struggle in order to get stronger, to understand ourselves better, to problem-solve, to grow. My daughter will eventually have to learn to adjust. She will run into struggles because she will never be the eager beaver student that does what she is told when she is told, memorize what she is told to memorize, or thrive on praise or competition. She will be the girl that wears wings to school, looking for the next exit.

And Sherlock is no where to be seen, and not giving me the answers as clearly as I want them. Instinct tells me one thing and reason tells me another. And what is my daughter telling me? She says she would homeschool again, but that she would miss some things like her friends (yes the same ones she said she doesn't have), seeing her brother, and recess. My reservations have to do with isolation, (something she is very good at, something that could do more harm than good) and with delaying the inevitable. She will have to learn some way somehow how she fits into this world, with all of her out-of-the box quirkiness, in school or at home.

So there you have it, the tornado that I am spinning in. I have not found answers yet but I suspect they will come. I suspect the writing is on the wall and my xray vision needs adjusting. And when it is adjusted, you will be the first to know...

Monday Monday....
xoxox

ps. I know some people might think that instinct is the way to go, but for me instinct and intuition are two different things. From experience my first initial reaction is not necessarily always the best choice. Instinct makes us mothers, but reason, experience and intuition make us great mothers.

As always, thanks for reading...

Open, again and again

I tell my children often that we get what we give. Give yourself to something you believe in with sincerity and enthusiasm, and the benefits will come back, often when we least expect it. I have tried to unschool this way. I have given my all to a learning paradigm that encouraged freedom, natural learning, and auto-didacticism. I have worked hard to gently and patiently file down my former assumptions and expectations about education, as well as adopted a parenting pathway that brought us peace, mutual respect, and a deeper sense of love for each other. It has been such a beautiful journey, and I believe so much in what we have experienced--- about living and learning, about following interests, joy and passion, about nonconformity and challenging the norm, about listening to our hearts and intuition, and about respecting and celebrating the individuals that we all are, exactly as we are now. These beliefs have not changed, but as we grew with these beliefs, we have inherently changed. And when we change, it is inevitable that our needs will change. And so it goes...

It's hard for an optimist like me to ever believe that perhaps my best, my all, would eventually not be enough. In the past I have always had success with hard work, though humility was never far away to remind me of my limitations. For me, humility's greatest tool has always been the element of surprise. Thankfully, reality and acceptance do eventually arrive to remind me that opportunities will only open if I find courage to let go, even if with all my heart I don't want to. I have told my children many times that when we open our eyes and open our minds, that our hearts can soon follow. Open, again and again MJ.

So much has changed, our home and surroundings, new friends and new people, a different energy all together. And now, my unschooled children are back in school. This was not a sudden or quick decision. I knew the possibility existed, especially after last year. Yet, I was so sure that learning at home with me was where my children belonged, that I just had to work a little harder to meet all their needs. And so I did. I devoted more of my time and energy into helping them find complete satisfaction. I committed myself fully, confident that  together we could find a groove that worked for all of us.

There is no doubt the children gained from this. They gained a belief and a confidence in themselves that what is important to them is truly important to their parents. They have gained the courage to pursue those interests wholeheartedly, as well as communicate those interests with peers and adults alike. To see them blossom this way, having the confidence and initiative without needing permission or approval to be who they are, often inspired and encouraged me to continue in my efforts and resist old patterns of thinking----that learning should happen primarily in an institutionalized setting. But, as time passed, I began to feel imbalanced, and the less I did for myself, the more resentful I became. My children, especially my son who will be 10 soon, wanted more social interactions that despite my efforts I could not provide. They wanted more opportunities that allowed them to be independent, without my always having to find it for them. And me, I wanted more time to just relax and be more than just mom and wife. I want to be more creative, be healthier, and be more independent. My husband, seeing all of this unfold, began to encourage me to think outside of my own box of unschooling bliss, to consider that with all that the children have gained from being home with us for three years, a structured learning environment may look different now.

Though there are plenty of portals for guilt to rise in, resounding tapes that playback and claim that I haven't done enough, that I am a failure, that I give up too easily, I can squelch the tendency to berate myself and accept that in the grand scheme of things, everything always works out just fine--that all this energy we put into these types of decisions are greater in our mind than they are in reality. I have found relief in knowing that no matter what my children do, or what choices we make together, that they will always be okay. The trust I have in them is greater than my fear of the unknown, and this I gained from unschooling and will never change. I choose to rely upon their confidence and strength of spirit to find happiness and satisfaction. Our greatest asset is the grounding and open relationship we have with each other and they know that if things don't work out, we can make changes again. We are great creatures of adaptation and evolution and we have a part in creating the environment we need to thrive in, no matter where that is.

Meanwhile, I have also been reminded that if I am giving more than what keeps me whole and balanced, then what I am really giving is nothing. To lose myself in the needs of my children by sacrificing so much energy and eventually my confidence, to rub against the grain of personal fulfillment, does no one any good.  It was a good effort to continue believing that I could make everything work, effort that I won't regret as I know I gave it my best. You get what you give, even though what comes back may not be in the package you expected.

To have believed that I had failed was wholly unfair to my children, and self-centered. When I truly *see* my children, I don't see failure, I don't see sadness, I don't see lack, I don't see anything but pure, unfiltered spirit and joy. I see two strong children with a keen sense of self, and a keen insight to what they want and need. These past three years changed our lives and has prepared us for the transitions we are going through now. The move into montessori school has been nearly seamless. When we walked on that campus for the first time together, the feelings were mutual and instant. It felt right. We all knew at the same time that this montessori school was theirs. The honesty of their emotions and their attitude about their new school environment has astounded me so far. E. loves his new school and everyday looks forward to going.  M. is having fun, but doesn't like waking up early and feels that some of the rules are ridiculous (Lol, so true)!  My priority now is to always be there and help them remember that it isn't about performance, comparing, or meeting anyone else's goals. It is about their love of learning, it is about doing our best, making friendships and enjoying their time there. It is about keeping our head, heart, and arms wide open :).

much love...

xoxo

Oh deer!! And the "why"

Okay okay, this Florida girl is enamored. Other than when we stayed in Virginia for a time, having deer in the backyard is certainly a new event for us. But I must ask the seasoned deer watchers, is it normal for deer to lounge in the backyard, among houses and neighboring children on their swingsets, all... day... long?  I found it so strange!!

We were actually able to go outside and just stand within 30 feet of them. They seemed perfectly comfortable--not necessarily tame, just comfortable. This can't be a good thing can it? They did finally leave around dusk, and now I find myself looking out every morning for our wandering neighbors to visit again :).

The Why
Lately, no--actually since we put the house on the market over a year ago, and now since we've arrived in Boulder, the "why" of moving has become a regular question, from friends, family, and new people we have met here. Why did we leave Florida, why did we choose Colorado (originally Virginia), why this big transition and risk, especially when our entire family and all that my children have known is still in FL? I did find two posts about this dated in November 2010 and January 2011, shortly after I started the blog, when my readership was 2.

"The grass is greener where you water it..."

"If we don't change we don't grow, if we don't grow, we are not really living~ Gail Sheehy"

Something happens when two people with the same dreams get together. I will never forget that date in the tiny sushi restaurant.  F. and I sat face to face interrogating each other on our hopes and ideas for the future. We both were moved by nature---specifically mountains, forests, hiking, and an outdoor lifestyle. We both had experiences growing up that anchored our spirituality in these places. Our feelings were indescribable, yet completely identifiable...we were on common ground. Coming from different parts of the world, and having moved frequently as children, we both knew that Florida was not the end place for us.

After that the rest seemed to flow naturally--love, marriage, children, then a nice big house with a pool. We had everything we wanted, except that one big dream that we shared together in that sushi restaurant. We almost let it go. We reasoned that we had a wonderful life, why change anything? Yes, maybe we felt that something was missing, that somewhere we weren't completely satisfied. But wasn't what we had enough to pacify us, to say, it's okay, life IS good just the way it is?

When the economy tanked, that was when the idea that we would really stay in Florida hit me. It was a tough blow. I realized that I had hung onto that dream, even if only by a thread, knowing that I really felt that I--that WE--belonged elsewhere. That was four years ago. I wish I could say that there was some spectacular event that made us kick caution and comfort to the curb, when we purposefully stepped off the beaten path and onto the one less traveled. Reflecting on it now, I will say this:

Unschooling, peaceful parenting, and transforming our thinking from one of robotic existence to one of following our joy changed our lives completely.

We had a major shift within our understanding, that the only thing that stands in the way of positive change is our own belief, that for whatever reason, we just can't do it. The economy, a mortgage, a job, family, money, there will always be really good reasons not to follow our dreams. We finally came to understand that our reasons to actually follow our hearts, were better. Even if we fail, even if/when we make mistakes, lose, cry, falter, at least we know we tried. We gave it a shot. We had to try, following our joy left us with no other option. Isn't this what it's all about?

I fear I have rambled on a bit, but now you know. We are in a place that we have always dreamed about, a place that we can walk out the front door and mountains (though they call them hills here :) are there to greet us every morning. Here is a place that we can commune with nature, and be fulfilled spiritually. We are in a place where our children can understand the importance of their environment, their planet, their beginnings, and perhaps begin to grasp what spirituality really is.

I am so happy to be able to share this with you, maybe even inspire you in some way, to remember some lost dream that perhaps still hangs by a thread. Anything is possible. Anything.

xoxo

ps. I meant to join in Cory's Thrifty Thursday today, but obviously got sidetracked. Please go and visit her link up for thrifting prowess-ness!

I have weird kids

You've met them before, you know, the weird homeschooled kids. The ones that seem to have socialized with far more adults than kids. The kind that will actually shake hands with you, look you in the eyes, and take the time to have a conversation with you before running off to play with their friends. The kind that will show affection to their mother and father, in public, or wear a tail or costume all day, or proudly show you his plush bear that he's had for 9 years, without any thought to who's watching or what a peer (or adult) might think. The kind of kids that will play with all age groups and not compare who's older, who's taller, who has better clothes, or a fancy phone. The kind of kids that will stop to help a younger one tie their shoes without being told and without hesitation.

They are also the kind of kids that have a strong sense what what's right and what's wrong. They have no fear in telling a peer "no" or if what they think they did is wrong. So when these kind of kids get picked on or called names for absolutely no reason at all (twice in one week actually) and by kids they don't even know, they get a little confused as to why. And what's even more confusing, is when these kids have the courage to tell the other parents that their kids were being mean, and those parents laugh it off, and say "oh you know, they're just being kids." These kids don't understand that this is common in a different schooled life. They have never had reason to pick on another child, to say terrible things like "worm" or "midget", and don't understand why another might. Perhaps, this is part of their wierdness, that they haven't become accustomed to brutal teasing, unprovoked meanness, and superficial comparisons. Perhaps some would call this the "real" world. Perhaps, my kids are strange because in their lives, they know their actions reflect how they feel about themselves, and how they feel about the world around them. In their lives, treating others how they want to be treated is not just a "rule", but a living, breathing understanding. And in their lives, where their parents are their greatest influence, when they can be happy being exactly themselves, there is absolutely no cause for bitterness, comparison, or hate.

I understand now that my children have been sheltered from this kind of playground politics. I don't know about you, but I find it sad that some would consider this kind of world, the "real" world. And I don't know about you, but I would rather have weird kids that can believe in a better kind of world and a better way of treating people, than have them accept the "real" world as a world without compassion and without unconditional kindness. When I started homeschooling, I admittedly feared that I would be the one with the weird kids, and look at me now.

Disclaimer: Please know that I know, not all schooled children are mean like the ones we encountered this week. In fact, school may have absolutely nothing to do with it. We know that conscious parenting is the key to raising kind and respectful children, yet none can deny the kind of meanness that occurs in groups of children without adult supervision. What does this mean? How is that children can be one way with parents, and another way when parents are not looking? Is it children's nature to do so? I do not believe so at all. I believe every behavior is a reflection of what is happening inside a person, some easily explained, some not. The sooner we help children understand this--- the sooner we understand this about ourselves, the better off we will all be. But... alas, that is a whole other post isn't it :)...

Peace to you friends...
xoxo

A month of unschool: November

When I feel the whoooosh of another month gone past, I turn to look back and all I see is the smoke and flames of two tire tracks going off in the distance. Some detective work will be in order to uncover our month of unschooling. There is evidence though isn't there, unobscured traces consisting of finished artwork, scattered books, leftover ticket stubs to plays or music concerts...So with inspiration from MB who birthed "a month of unschool", and Stacy who also began to post hers, I am joining in to find November.

Out and About:

We LOVE plays, musicals and orchestras. This month there was:

Miss Nelson is Missing with audience participation of dancing and singing. Then, Nutty Nutcracker which included a back stage tour :).  And we can't forget the afternoon with the philharmonic orchestra I mentioned a couple weeks ago where holiday music rang in the season. I would be lying if I said the kids sat still through the whole concert and listened with full attention... naaah. They happily played with their imaginations, collected acorns, and entertained a 2 year old nearby...

We went back to the Avian Reconditioning Center for Owl Fest last month. We saw our favorite owls: the Great Horned owl, the Barn owl, Barred owl, and the Screech owl. Of course there were falcons and Bald eagles as well. This time we actually watched a Peregrine Falcon demonstration as he hunted for a pigeon wing. It was amazing...

You may know that Orlando is a town of theme parks. Well, Legoland opened a couple months ago. In this house, Lego is staple, a trusty go-to, an endless educator, and a spicket to a fountain of creativity and imagination. The boy has always loved Lego, but this last month, the girl found a liking to it as well. So, yes, Legoland...

and then here's the Lego land in our home

In case you are curious about what kids learn from Lego, take a look here. This month we revisited simple machines with gears, levers, and pulleys, problem solving, math, just to name a few. Lego is for all ages and gender doesn't matter. I even have Lego on my wish list this year for a Volkswagon Camper Van.... 'nuf said about Lego I think :)...

What was new and what continued:

In November we started a new weekly park playdate with new and old friends. I had mentioned also that we added a wonderful new co-op once a week where there is art, science and music.

While the boy thrived in this co-op learning about gravity, acceleration and making egg drop cages, discussing molecules, dry ice, principles of solids, liquids and gases, and music history, the girl was found doing her own science wading in the creek nearby, catching fish, creating dams, and leading the other sprouting bioligists to do the same.

We've added a couple new books to our library including Space: Pop Up Facts and Letters To Freedom: The American Revolution. We finished White Fang and started The Time Machine. They LOVE these series, and always ask for more. And speaking of reading, M. zipped through the Innovative Kids Now I'm Reading books Level 2 and E. read various materials from instructions booklets and video game manuals to tidbits on history and science.

We have continued homeschool P.E. once a week where there are friendly social games like sharks and minnows and island hopper, plus obstacle courses and sports. E. continued his tennis lessons, but now we have added more days. It's so exciting to see his passion for this sport grow. We went on hikes, we continued our games with apps and on the computer with Teach Me First Grade, Brain Pop Jr, Math Ninja, Montessori Crosswords, and IXL to name a few. E. has discovered equations and asked me to write him simple math problems like (157 - 39) x 4,  and M. learned to skip count and is trying to tell time. She also continued her daily dress-ups, regardless of where we go and her weekly shows at home. E. and I played our games such as Scrabble and Pente, completed a 300 pc. puzzle, and he put on M.'s training wheels for her bike by himself. M. has now found courage again to go bike riding after a major spill last year, thanks to her brother :).

Trying to recall our countless conversations is my hardest task. They have ranged from what the universe and the galaxy is made of, to the earth's rotations, to some of how our body changes during puberty (aiyaiyai), to what happens in digestion, to the history of Thanksgiving and how to dress a turkey, to who is Queen Elizabeth, to why a quarter falls faster than a heavy rock (checkout this cool video of Apollo 15), to religion and spirituality....I know there is more but that's all I can recount for now.

And maybe that is the most difficult part of unschooling, the lack of measurement and listing of "learned" skills. Yet they show me on a daily basis how they are growing, changing, and learning. I could spend my days writing it all down, and I do try sometimes. But I think I'd rather live how they learn rather than try to memorize it, that's what photos are for right? I know this will have to change as they get older as someone somewhere will want a record or "proof" of some sort. Personally, I know the kids will speak for themselves :).

xoxo

Learning around here...

It has been awhile since I wrote about the learning we do around here. When we were going through massive amounts of change in our parenting and homeschooling (from authoritative to peaceful parenting and from traditional homeschooling to unschooling) styles, the unrest spawned many posts about that change. The revelations we were having were groundbreaking for us, which warranted screaming from the rooftops about the transformations we were undergoing. Since then we have settled down comfortably and what was new has become normal, with an occasional reminder of where we came from and how far we had come.

The truth is, we have a beautiful melding between everyday learning and everyday living, and the rickety rackety pinball feeling I had the first two years is not as pronounced.  There is flow and rhythm to our days, but not like the predictable beating of a heart.  Our days flow more like the music of jazz --harmonic, versatile, free flowing, and improvisational.  Not always easy, especially for a structured mama like me.  I still have tendencies to want to sit and do book work for 3 hours. For me, it's easier that way. But, that is me, and it's fitting that my children are completely opposite, and far better teachers than the ones I have ever had. It could be that they are getting older and taking greater responsibilities, and it could be that I've relaxed on worrying if they are learning or not.  I know they are, and so am I :).

While in Seattle, I was tagged by lovely Suzy of Scraps of Starlight for a homeschool meme. (Sorry I haven't posted it yet Suzy!) This meme asks us 8 questions related to our homeschooling life, which started my wheels turning again about defining what we do. We've evolved quite a bit since leaving the public and private school system in 2009. Unschooling was the turning point for me for understanding the possibilities for how learning could happen. But here's a shocker, I have grown to not like the word "unschooling" at all.  I think the term "unschooling" shuts out the notion that kids can still learn from structured learning, and even in brick and mortar settings. The truth is, kids will learn no matter what setting they are in. They are amongst the most adaptable creatures on this planet. Sure, they will learn better given particular circumstances, and as homeschooling parents we set out to provide these particular circumstances based on our beliefs and our abilities. Yet there is still so much complexity and variability to how each of us learn, that to suggest that there is one best way is unfair, from all sides.

I think what unschooling has given me though is the permission to start over from the ground up and really take a look at how learning works in my family. By shutting out the shoulds and the fear-mongering voices that say I'm ruining their futures, I have tried to wash away all the assumptions about learning I grew up with. I spent a year trying to observe with with fresh eyes on how my children learn best.

One: My children learn better when there is interest, and even better when there is passion.

Two: My children learn better in smaller groups settings and certainly with one on one attention.

Three: My children learn better when they have autonomy over following their interests, whims, and passions, rather than strictly within a structured framework.

Four: Sometimes, my children do better with structure than without.

If there is a brick and mortar setting that could tailor to my children's specific ways of learning, then that would be perfect wouldn't it? But we know that is not realistic. We know that a brick and mortar setting has the responsibility of teaching hundreds, even thousands of children, and cannot do this.  I have met too many passionate teachers to know it is not their fault and that if they could change the system, they would.  And this is why I don't like the word unschooling. I think it undermines what so many talented and hard working educators are trying to do for our children. Bringing my children home to learn, has given me an enormous amount of respect for our educators, as well as a little sadness for the lack of support they receive to make education better.

And what does this say about my belief in freedom in learning. I do believe in freedom, but we live in a society built on structure and rules. One day my children will be a part of this structure regardless of how they were brought up and how they learned. As much as I love the idea of free-spiritedness, it does not negate the fact that this society is getting more competitive by the minute.  As much as I would love to say college doesn't matter as long as my children follow their passions, I also know that without a college degree sometimes people drown in their passions.  I do not want to mislead my children. I do not want to say that as long as they do what they love that all will be well.  Nor do I want to say that as long as they have a good college degree that all will be well either.  There is a risk in every choice we make, with no guarantees either way.

So where does this leave me, and my uber long post.  It all comes down to the rhythm of jazz again I think. I equate the rhythm of jazz with the rhythm of life and learning. We flow, then improvise, then change the beat again in search of soul and harmony. Sometimes I lead, sometimes they lead then we adapt and evolve together. I have learned that I cannot depend on any one method of learning to answer all my questions, and that experience, trying, failing, and trying again is the best teacher of all. Work hard, and do what is necessary to find the sparks that lead your way. That to me encompasses what learning is all about. It's life and learning all rolled into one. Yeah, I like that...we are life learners :).

xoxo

p.s. next week I'll post the answers to the meme :)

Clay, magic, and unschooling

Something happens when you get a new batch of clay. You get this pile of beautiful, soft, pliable colors and you have an idea of what you are going to make with it. And then you do, you make some wonderfully creative things, and you marvel at them for awhile. Then you squash it back together and start over again because you can, because the joy of it calls you to do so. And so you keep doing this repeatedly until the colors start to mix together and what you have to work with is far different from what you started with.

For me, that has been unschooling. A huge, colorful lump of possibility, sometimes overwhelmingly so.  Some days the form comes easy and what we create is exactly how I imagined it. Other days the form is hard to begin, there is doubt and judgement on what we produce and I wonder if we'll ever good at this. At times I forget what we've already made. When there are no measurements, no checklists, or tests, it's easy to wonder if there is any integrity, or lasting effect to anything that has passed. All that's left of our creations are little flecks and specks of color imbedded into the whole of another. I step back, and realize that the clump is no longer defined, separated, and clear.

As I break off each piece and look at them individually, I see each piece tells a story. A story of a form they once held, an idea that came to life, an experience gone but not forgotten, compilations of color that once had a purpose. I turn them over one by one. I see that they are all still soft, still yielding, still flexible. I grab all the clumps of imperfectly meshed color and squish it back together to make one whole, complete, multidimensional piece. And I realize, that this is what it's suppose to look like. What has evolved is a melding of moments, a more relaxed form that comes from the flow of new and different things everyday. One big jumbled, colorful, unpredictable, undefinable, beautiful clump of experiences, lying dormant and waiting for that next opportunity to take shape into something new, and looking nothing like what we started with, at all.  Magical, full of potential, this is unschooling.

xx oo

P.S. This post was inspired by Suzy. Read her beautiful post on unschooling here.

The Art of Blueberries

It's funny the parallels nature draws in life. We like to separate ourselves with our cars, our cellphones, and our computers. But, when we pay attention to the details, our lives are written as clear as day, even in the life of a blueberry.

There is an art to blueberry picking that I never realized until yesterday. For Mother's Day, that was how we started our day. Spidey, who has been making several appearances lately, decided to join us too. How could we refuse?

Blueberries start out like we do, a tiny little seedling needing sustenance and plenty of room to grow, taking what it needs from the world around it, and with a genetic code to match. Yet each and every blueberry is different. "It's all in the seeds within each blueberry" said the blueberry farmer. The growth rate, the size, and its taste. So, sometimes on a stem full of unripened blueberries, you may find just one, perfect and ready, waiting to serve its purpose.

Hmm, I thought to myself. So, the art of raising and picking a blueberry, means letting each one grow to its full potential, at its own rate, its own speed, and just waiting until its right time to ripen.

I believe I understand. We all have our own rate in which we grow and change. We all need time, space, a little understanding, and a little patience in meeting our full potential. And the results will be pure, simple, and very very sweet :).



Happy to be joining a new blog hop today with Owlet.

"Faith is knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof." ~ Kahlil Gibran

In a culture obsessed with proof, I gladly float among uncertainty.  I gladly look upon my children in wonder, knowing that I have no idea of what they will become.  I confess that I sometimes make choices out of fear, or let other people's fear seep into mine.  But, that fear is no longer blind.  I can stare fear in the face and boldly challenge it, knowing there is nothing I need to prove to anyone.  I gladly concede my need to prove--prove that I am a good mom, prove that I am making the right decisions, prove that my children will be happy one day, or successful.  I gladly concede that need to prove, for faith and trust in them, in me, and in the nature of all things. 

What I will offer instead of proof, is a promise to myself and to them.  My promise is that I will always give them my best.  And to them, I promise that they will never need to prove anything to me beyond what they need to prove to themselves.  If they can find worth from within, not from anyone else, and if they can find the ability to face fears, climb them, and then maybe turn them into something good, then I know my faith has prevailed beyond any burden of proof.

Hope everyone had a beautiful, peaceful weekend :)!!

The freedom to choose

Change. It's happening again. The freedom to live and explore, wander and discover, change and grow, have been the main engine behind much of my posts, with parenting and unschooling providing the fuel.  Now there is an unexpected twist in our evolution as unschoolers, one that goes a bit beyond my comfort zone.  I don't know if I am ready for this part of our journey, but maybe my children are.  To put it plainly, my kids are going to try going back to Montessori. 

E. and M. both had initiated this decision, which was further supported by hubs.  But, my fears cloud my faith and I wonder, have they really deschooled enough?  Will this set them back?  We have been to Montessori before when they were younger, what is different now?   It took me a couple days to think about this when the obvious finally hit me.  They weren't unschooled children back then.  We were a traditional family that didn't offer the choice of if or when to start school.  I didn't consider that they might not be ready.  We just went through the motions, putting them in school early to give them a "head start".  They were not ready then, which undoubtedly helped set our path to unschooling a few years later.

What has changed since is that there is freedom of choice.  They have had time to unravel my earlier mistakes, and kids deschool much faster than we do.  They aren't afraid of being who they are when we stop conducting, start listening, and start trusting.  They don't really know if Montessori will meet their needs, but, they want to try.  What is guaranteed is that they are going in with a different attitude, and may come out with a new perspective. They will certainly gain a greater knowledge of themselves, and hopefully a greater understanding of what they really want and need. 

Being able to live in a manner that honors freedom of choice empowers learning.  The problem with mainstream schooling is that kids aren't given that power.  Accolades, rewards, and praise may give an illusion of choice, but the joy to follow a whim, the internal need to satisfy a curiosity, and the power to choose what or how they want to learn, is replaced by standards, grades and scores.  Unschooling has given that power back to my children.  Unschooling means living with choice and command in your own learning, and letting your interests and needs guide those choices.  Montessori may not be the "perfect" choice, but it is their choice.  They are free to choose, and we will learn to live and grow with those choices.  

The simple fact is, if it doesn't work out, they will come home and things will shift again.  What will never change is my unconditional love, or my respect, or my trust for them.  I will go with it, and see where it leads.  This is just as much a part of our journey as any other choice, and it is this thought, that I will carry with me for the next two months.   Meanwhile, I will share my experiences here with you, as there is always something for me to learn :).

Games!

Stephanie over at Ordinary Life Magic always has such wonderful ideas she shares during her daily unschooling days.  Starting yesterday, she is doing a game giveaway, and has also asked what everyone's top 10 favorite family games are :).  We didn't have to work too hard as they are already stacked here behind me, so here they are!!

1) Scrabble  My 8 and 6 year olds are really awesome at this, there really is no need for the junior edition!!

2) The Amazing Mammoth Hunt A fantastic recommendation from Stephanie, all focusing on geography and animals, the kids love it!

3) Pente  Every household I think should have this strategy game, easy to learn, and great way to stretch the brain.

4) Life  This was one of my favorites growing up and it's so much fun to play with the kids. They especially love getting kids of their own :)!

5) Monopoly  I swear I lose almost every time against my son.   He is thrilled building hotels and having me pay for them.

6)  Rumis  Another great recommendation from Stephanie.   I personally love this building strategy game :).

7)  Uno  Who doesn't love uno?

8)  Yahtzee  Can anyone say multiplication?

9)  Payday  Another game I loved growing up.  Paying bills, waiting for the paycheck, unexpected expenses, and investing.  Did it actually prepare me for doing that today?--Uhhh, the game is so much more fun :).

10)  Checkers No list is complete without checkers :)!

Make sure you head over to OLM and enter her giveaway linked above!   By the way, have I mentioned that learning happens ALL the time??