Tuesday, September 13, 2011
What's going on here
Worry was here:
Little M. was in the E.R. this weekend. She's been really sick for the past 5 days with a terribly insidious stomach virus. She is finally getting better now thank goodness, but she hadn't eaten and barely drank anything for 4 days. She has lost so much weight, her body is like a thin and fragile wire frame. She is gaining strength now, though I feel like an eager food pusher watching her every move. I don't have to tell you what that's like, to see your babe get so sick and have every worst scenario enter your mind.
We have a contract on the house :). We found this out the same day I was in the hospital with M., so while I was grappling with worry, joy passed by. What's left is some cautious optimism, we need a good appraisal for this contract to stick. Now we wait, and hope...
Fear came back:
Please forgive this bluntness, there is no soft way to write this. One of our young neighbors (14) may have been violated sexually on Sunday. I can't seem to type the other word. She was alone at home, there were six teenage boys, and it was the middle of the day. We don't know all the facts yet, but what we do know is enough. My heart goes out to her and her family. And now you know what I've been sitting with the past couple days. My blinds have remained drawn and the doors locked. I had worked hard to get comfortable enough to let E. play on the driveway or in the front yard without constant vigilance. And now that is lost, fear has returned, and I am tired from the swirl of emotions that has flooded me this past weekend.
And now where to go from here. I know I get to say when enough is enough. Good and bad things happen, and we get to decide what we dwell upon, how we dwell upon them and how long. I am back at the train station, and the choice is still mine. Today, I have decided it will be different. Perhaps not normal, but better. Today I will seek out joy, I will seek out fun, I will seek out faith and happiness, and I will help these emotions find their way out. Today, my blinds will be opened. Today we will play outside. Today I will not worry about M and her weight. Today I will not dwell on what may or may not happen. Today I will remember the sweet things in life, and I will pray for peace and solace to those who need it most. And then today, I will remember to smile :)...
much love and joy to you...