Ego's grip

"If you are in the grip of ego, you believe that by doing more and more you will eventually accumulate enough 'doings' to make yourself feel complete at some point in the future. You won't. You will only lose yourself in the doing." ~ Eckhart Tolle A New Earth

I believe, that what we really are is a soul without labels, without humanly definitions, awards or shame to carry on its back. We are souls that are meant to walk through fire and through rainbows of human experiences, only to be primed and polished into a brighter, shinier version of our conscious selves. Our souls carry no memory of the past, and no desire for the future, but blossoms in the present moment as it occurs, one moment after another. Can we exist this way? Is it possible? I believe my soul's journey is about coming face to face with Ego and getting to know her well, very well. And by knowing Ego well, it is the only way I can overcome her sly tricks, recognize her vicious words, her relentless needs, temptations, stress and torments that come into play every day.  Ego is a growing amoeba highly dependent on our needs to think about self. The more we spend time *thinking* of self, the greater the Ego's appetite becomes. The more we lose ourselves into the human feelings called selfishness, hate, anger, shame, arrogance, self-pity, judgement, narcissism, sadness, anxiety, guilt, and fear...the less we truly know ourselves without prejudice.

Our potential as humans is enormous, but not by what we do, what we can become, or what we've invented or created. It is by our capacity to love, enjoy and be enthusiastic about what is happening at this very moment. My own inquest had to do with recognizing an inner conflict between what I am exactly right now, and who I wish I could be or what I wish I could be doing. There is only one result to this conflict, constant suffering and agony. Once I remember and realize that my potential for happiness exists in this every moment, then there will be no need for Ego, no need for stress. To bring enthusiasm, alertness, consciousness, and pure freedom of spirit to our children, to our families, to our friends, at any given moment, I believe, is our true purpose. From there, joy and creativity can be born without us ever having to work for it.



Much love to you my friends...
xoxo

Things that don't last

I don't like pressure very much. I know some people thrive and shine under it. Not me. I feel every aching stress fracture that ripples beneath it. And what kind of pressure do I ever have to deal with anyway? I mean, I am not an air traffic controller or a surgeon or anything like! No no, mine is more of the self-imposed kind. When there is something I want to do for somebody, I want it to be sooooo good, impeccable actually. And with impeccability, Ego usually lurks, waiting for that opportunity to twist and turn my thoughts, which eventually leaves me feeling small and insecure. Uggh (insert dramatic shudder here).

And so with these feelings beginning to rise, I sat at the computer screen, just staring at that blank, empty, wordless page. My insides began to turn with panic, when as if by pure telepathic timing, my darling son came and stood by me at the computer. He put both his hands on my cheeks and turned my face sharply so that we were locked eye to eye.

"We need to get out of this house! Let's go do something Mom!!"
I almost protested with "Sure, just let me fini----"   when I thought, finish what? I hadn't even started!!

With M. at camp this week, it was just me and my boy. It is so rare when we are alone and have time together. I shifted my attention and realized that I had a wonderful opportunity to just focus on him. Me and him. So I shut off the computer without another thought, leaving that page still empty, still wordless.

With hunger driving him, I could see the little wheels in my boy's brain start to turn.
"Oh Mom, we can ride our bikes to downtown and eat lunch at the French bakery!! And then we can have ice cream---or nutella crepes!!!"

It was a brilliant idea.

As I sat there on the bike, iphone camera ready as usual, I noticed something. I wasn't feeling the heat as much as I thought I would. The speed of the bike brought a gentle breeze that even a heat index over 100 couldn't prevent. All we had to do was pedal a little faster and coast to let the coolness settle in comfortably. It was such a simple thing to do to overcome something we believed to be so constant.

And then I saw it, and had to stop the bike.

The messages are everywhere if we take the time to see them. But then sometimes the universe throws us a lifeline and says "SEE!!"

I could only smile and chuckle to myself when E. asked me, "What Mom?" I looked at him and said "Tough times don't last." He just looked back at me and said, "Can we go now?"
"Sure, bud."

Tough times don't last. Neither does anxiety. Neither does pressure. Neither does writer's block or any other creative block. Neither does ego's hold. Neither does the time we have with our children. Neither does the breeze in our faces, or the heat on our skin. Niether does fear, or insecurity, and neither does a blank, empty page. And you know what else doesn't last? Nutella crepes :).

Make the best of every moment, because the very best moments are there waiting for you to join in :)...

much love
xx oo