delight and the looking glass

I've been quite the shepherd lately, a herder (possibly a hoarder) of unharnessed delight.

To name a few, little things, as they always are:

This book I'm reading.
This festival last weekend, full of pickers, fiddlers, foot stompers, dancers and musicians--memories that will serve as my musical muse for months to come...
This new to me music that had the entire field of festivarians up on their feet dancing.





And lastly, the hummingbirds visiting our new feeder at the kitchen window. Most birds bring me joy, but these flutterers bring utter awe to everyone in my family.

Good things happen all the time, but delight happens when the child inside stirs and takes over thought and limb--like an ignition switch to heaven on earth. I am addicted to this kind of delight. When this child breathes fresh air, it is the closest I ever get to the sweetness that is an unfettered soul.

Soul talk, you know I love to. Recently I discovered that there is a name for my idealistic musings. A romantic. I do believe the darkest things about this human life, this human world, can be tempered, remedied and reconciled by the goodness of humanity, despite our flawed natures and self-destructive ways. I do believe that all of us have a way out of the complex maze that is our mind. Darkness is hinged to light no matter how often despair takes hold. Two sisters of the same seed. Delight, joy, beauty, creativity, imagination, the appreciation and pursuit of these things provide the nectar of life, the things that we cannot live without. No matter what we do with our lives, is it not the nectar we always hunt for, tangible or imagined? I relish in experiencing feelings and emotions, seek to understand them, look to nature for some explanation, and hunger for intuitive musings, maybe even as signs from a distant beyond. Idealistic--yes, blinded--maybe, naive---sometimes, with a child's heart and an open mind, certainly, I try. I try to enjoy what I have, with all that I am, now, here, and today. My greatest fear is to be that grumpy old woman full of spite, wondering how time has whittled me down to bare nubs cloaked in worn, leathery skin. I have no desire to live a long life without the joy to fill it's marrow. And may that joy be revealed to me in all ways, no matter when the night falls.

I must have spent half my day yesterday watching the hummingbirds, waiting for them, listening for that trill.  At one point there were five of them swooping--dancing and floating, as I watched them delightfully from behind the glass. I was frozen for minutes at a time as they hovered, perched, then hovered again, even watching me, too, through the same looking glass.



Delightful weekend to you all, dancers, hoverers, idealists, and romantics or not!!
xoxo

Not one bit

When I'm driving down the mountain and music fills the spaces all around me
with songs like this:

 

 or this:

 

That's when the right words suddenly pour from some hidden spring buried deep within my brain. Music is the magic tap, always....

Twice in two weeks, it has come up, this wonderful life of mine. A "soccer mom" comment and a "what DO you do all day?"

Maybe it's because I look weightless, burdens safely tucked in the palm of my hand and not strapped to my back. Or maybe it's because I find joy in my living. Or maybe it's because I live like I mean it. Or maybe because I live every day with gratitude. Money does not make me happy, and managing it is my least favorite thing to do. But living like everyday is my last, that's what makes a life a good life. So hell yes, I will paint, I will write, I will take pictures, I will snowboard, hike, learn to do new things and I will do it all while being the best mom and wife that I can be, because that is what I am here to do.

To live, to love and to learn, shamelessly, earnestly, completely.

But I don't say these things out loud, even though I want to. Even though I want to let them know that we made distinct choices before our children were born, that we have paid our dues to have the life we have, to say that my life as a stay-at-home mom is the hardest thing that I have ever done, or explain away all the hours of hard work that my husband continues to do to allow me to be that stay-at-home mom, and that the relationship that we have with our children has been worth every single choice that we've ever made. No, I don't owe them guilt, shame, excuse, or explanation, not anything.

Not. one. bit. :)

xoxox

Wildflowers

Write, 
flutter the stomach, 
quiver the heart and 
shut the eyes. 
Seek the mouth like bees
and burst forth-- 
dusted and drunk from
the nectar of words

Struggle,
you will, 
as by nature they are fleeting, 
and your muse--teasing, 
flitting about your head 
like fireflies leaving 
ghostly trails, 
invisible crumbs,
then nothing

Pluck, 
one by one 
despite clumsiness and 
a shriveled hand,
despite a darkness  
you cannot suck,
despite weeds
you cannot pull.
Wildflowers 
speckle a field
and wait
for you.

For you, the thoughtful one who gets lost in words and lives by trying to inhale, guzzle, and become them....

xoxo

ps. Daughter has a new song out!! Enjoy....

 

and enjoy some more...

Awake My Soul

It is days like these that I wonder where to begin...when so much has passed that to compress them into a little box and present them with ribbons seems an earnest yet still insufficient way to share. I have missed this space, but my days have been full, offering me enchanting views inside and out, views that keep me spellbound with the life that is mine

I am still not immune to the questions of relevance beyond mother or wife, and these hauntings are with  me wherever I go lately. I suppose I am not ready for the answers right now as they remain elusive and mysterious at best. Glimpses of opportunities that may lie ahead swirl around me like the aroma of fresh baked bread--inviting, warm, and bursting with unmistakable anticipation. The future is as bright as it is unsure, yet time has it's own rhythm that is untouchable to us all. This I do respect, despite the wanting of my human nature.

Meanwhile, inspiration is ripe for the picking because for this, there are no limitations...

This past Monday, I visited a local university and met with a graduate counselor for this school...funny thing is, all the reasons that I went to college over 20 years ago are nowhere near the same. And I recognize that this is a good thing. This time, I would go for the sheer joy and challenge of averting my eyes towards doors that I have been too afraid to open on my own. I would go back for the complete pleasure of being around other lovers of the written and read word. I would go to starve the vultures of self-criticism, and throw myself instead to the eagles of constructive criticism. I would do it all for personal growth, experience, and for the chance to come face to face with fear over and over again. But for now, timing and circumstance are still driving opportunity, so I will wait...at least until the signs are clearer, and until the ones I love are further upward on their own road....

This concert was a couple nights ago...sincerely one of the best concerts of my life. I am still soaring from this evening...

And a wonderful weekend to you all....

xoxo

ps. play the song and the video at the same time and you will get a glimpse of our absolute joy :).

RockyGrass

Three days of camping, bluegrass music all day and night, families
playing on the beach, tubing in the river, dancing, hooping, making music and living merry...

It was hot, so when a breeze would gallop in with the spotty rain showers, we laid our heads back and smiled. We have never experienced festival camping before. I didn't realize sleep usually is not on the festival agenda, though we caught a little shut eye here and there. Long after the main pavilion closed for the evening, music played on into the wee morning hours. Banjo, bass, fiddle, guitar and mandolin from each direction, conspired with smooth voices to serenade the trees and the stars. I should have been annoyed from the lack of sleep, but the music was so good, just as good as any legend that played the stage, so instead I found myself marveling.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend, too.

xoxo







RockyGrass Music Festival

I Spy

Mikhael Paskalev - I spy from André Chocron on Vimeo.

Because it's Sunday and I felt like it and because watching a man dance in his underwear is always a great way to start a day.

"I spy with my little eye, that fall is connected to try..."~ Mikhail Paskalev


 xoxo

Up close and random

I have been reminded again why I blog. Yes, for self expression and because I enjoy writing. But there's more––because I am pushed creatively...and because I am inspired by other bloggers to do more, learn more, say more, feel more, offer more, and be more. I blog because if I am feeling like crap you get it. And if I'm feeling joyful, you get that too. So what began as a form of self expression gradually evolved into creative inspiration and soulful connections, available to me whenever I need it. For this, I thank you, and for all the kind words you share.

Random: For the past few nights, we've been playing outside and going riding, when it's dark, with only a few street lights, with no one else outside. Yep, me, the hubs, the kids, we grab our bike, scooter, ripstick, skateboard, whatever and we take a spin around the neighborhood and on the bike trail. Something happens to all of us when we play at night, it's the strangest thing... a wild side emerges, your senses sharpen, exhilaration grows, like a secret between you, the moon and the stars. The kids LOVE it. The night brings mystery and eeriness, but when your parents are with you, it turns into excitement and thrill. I do recommend trying it, of course in a place where you feel safe, and of course if your children are up for it.

Random: And because we have over 2400 miles of road ahead of us in March, I've been hunting for new (to me) music for the roadtrip. Here's a couple I've found:




And this:

and if you liked that one, check out "Little Cup" and the rest of Thao and Mirah's album.

Random: I'm linking with Bella today at 52 Photos Project for {Get in really close}. You know I love macro. Join us will you?

Wishing you a weekend of marvel with a pinch of risk, a dash of mystery and an armful of boldness
xoxo

Listening

Going going, always going somewhere...I shouldn't be sitting her right now, but I am, and I will be late to where I am going, again.

In the car, when I listen, I alternate between books, music and silence. One headphone only of course. I received a ticket once for listening with both headphones while driving. She said that it was dangerous in case I couldn't hear emergency vehicles. I told her I could see and hear her just fine. She didn't like that very much.

Lately it's been mostly music, mostly Florence. I love how the music we choose to listen to in a given moment reflects how we feel at the time. Quiet and reflective, dark and sad, happy and energetic....What I get from Florence is something passionate, wild, powerful, sometimes dark, even rebellious.



I think I'll wear both headphones today...

and you? what are you listening to right now?

wishing you insightfulness ...
xo

the power of sound

"Next to silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."

~Aldous Huxley

For when I need to shut everything out...

For when there needs to be dance and joy...

For when the air is cool and the road is long...

For when sadness looms and there is no choice but to embrace...

For getting lost in the need to create...for passion's sake...

(not an official video, but the best I could find :)

Joining Monica for the 5 senses tour...

None are new, yet they are the current fibers I stretch

and rely upon to feel whole again.

And your go-to's?

xoxo

ps. Thanks for all the input on the blogger design change. I changed it back by 10pm last night. It didn't feel quite right, less personal...back to the drawing board :).

This moment ~ Music to my eyes

As inspired by Soule Mama:

"A Friday ritual. A single photo -no words- capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor, and remember."

Have a fulfilling and peaceful weekend!!